Let's go Michele Bachmann! Push 'em out, shove 'em out... WAYYYYY OUT!
Yes, you read that correctly. Congresswoman Michele Bachmann's Iowa Straw Poll victory wasn't only great news for the Bachmann campaign, it was also tremendous news for the Sarah Palin "campaign." Which a priori is wonderful news for President Obama's re-election bid.
A vote for Bachmann is a step closer to a Palin candidacy/nomination. Nothing in this world would make me happier than Sarah Palin declaring her candidacy for president of these United States. And the southern evangelicals think God doesn't have a sense of humor! Bite your tongue and hush yo' mouth!
Maybe it's wishful thinking, but all the signs are there. Palin was on a reconnaissance mission in Iowa last weekend, looking to gain insight as to the viability of the Palin name in middle-America.
Bachmann may be the Tea Party Caucus chair in Washington, but Palin is for many the titular head of the movement nationwide. It begs the question, does Bachmann derive her presidential support due to the absence of Sarah Palin or in preference over her?
I say the former and not the latter.
The recent debate performance by Bachmann suggests that her voting base is enamored with the idea of her "principled leadership."
Hold your jokes, I'm getting there.
Mo'Kelly said THE IDEA of her "principled leadership," not the contradicting reality. Tim Pawlenty tried unsuccessfully to clue in the Republicans that Bachmann is running on rhetoric, not her actual record (which boasts zero political victories of note).
But Republicans are consistent, they aren't interested in facts and that bodes VERY well for a Palin candidacy. Please God, have mercy upon the Democrats and allow this to happen.
Bachmann wants to have it both ways. She wishes to campaign on the ideological platform of "sending a message" to Washington, but also wants you to forget that her office is also located in Washington. Yes, Republicans were never ones to let simple minutia like that get in the way. Remember, this is the party which brought you both The Birthers and the Iraq War. Facts are not their strong suit.
O.J. Simpson will find "the real killers" right around the time George W. Bush finds the Iraq WMD.
But I digress. Maybe it's just Mo'Kelly, but Bachmann seems every bit the diet version of Sarah Palin.
"All of the intolerance, with just half the fallacies."
The Tea Party "likes" Congresswoman Bachmann. They LOVE Sarah Palin.
For as extreme as the Congresswoman may seem at times, she's not Sarah Palin. Palin is in a padded room of a hospital wing all by herself. She worked very hard to earn that distinction, let's not take it away from her now.
You can't spell "simpleton" without an "S" and a "P."
And Sarah Palin probably couldn't spell it... well, at all... even with a dictionary.
But I again digress.
As long as Palin remains on the periphery as a pundit and not a presidential candidate, Bachmann is arguably the best Tea Party option amongst this field of uncharismatic, post-Reagan conservatives. That simply can not happen. Heaven is oh so close.
Palin is who the Tea Party wants. Hell, Palin is who I want. Palin is who the Tea Party deserves. And I absolutely mean that in the most loving yet condescending way.
Give the people what they want!
I want Sarah Palin on national television debating Michele Bachmann, vying for the title of most anti-Islamic, anti-gay, anti-African-American, anti-working class, xenophobic human in all America, a.k.a. the Republican nominee. Somebody is taking home that trophy, let's just make sure the best are on the field when it is handed out. That's why the Republican presidential nomination should be set up like the BCS. Ranked #1 plays #2. Like college football, if we can't get a playoff, this is the next best thing. And you can even hold it in the Cotton Bowl... for obvious and symbolic 20th century Republican reasons. Do the math.
Congresswoman Bachmann taking home the title of "Most Hateful Republican," er uh, "garnering the nomination" without Sarah Palin opposing her is like the Houston Rockets winning the NBA Championship while Michael Jordan is on a baseball diamond... as in worthy of an asterisk. Democrats need to show some spine and get in line with this idea. A campaign donation for Bachmann is a vote of confidence for Sarah Palin. Let nature take its course after that.
The Tea Party deserves better and so does Reality TV. We could feature it on NatGeo, sandwiched in-between all those prison shows. Sambo's... er uh, Denny's restaurants could be the title sponsor. You've got to see the bigger picture Democrats. You have to have vision.
College football would have the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl... Republicans would have the Denny's Hate Bowl, formerly known as the Republican National Convention.
Support the Bachmann campaign today. Operators are standing by to take your call. 888.MARCUS8
Palin says she will make a final decision by the end of September. Dear God, please let this happen. In fact, I don't know if this falls under God's or Santa Claus' purview. But just to be sure, I'll be both praying and emailing the North Pole under separate cover.
Glory Hallelujah and Deck the Halls!
For the next 30 days, I'm all about Team Bachmann. See the big picture Democrats... see the big picture. Push 'em out, shove 'em out... WAYYYYY OUT!
Morris W. O'Kelly (Mo'Kelly) is a political correspondent for the BBC Radio and Television networks and author of the syndicated column The Mo'Kelly Report. For more Mo'Kelly, go to his site. Mo'Kelly can be reached at email@example.com and welcomes all commentary.