11/20/2012 09:57 am ET Updated Jan 19, 2013

The Phantom Poop!

I am a very conscientious dog owner. I've had my 7 month old pup for 5 months now. In this time, he's been professionally groomed 2ce. He gets monthly pedicures. We've home bathed him half a dozen short, we've done everything by the book.

We walk him several times a day... morning, noon, late-afternoon and evening. And, let me tell you... my pup is REGULAR. I've had entire dinner (!) conversations with hubby about the regularity of our pup. We talk, size, weight, and consistency of the poop. We talk poop bags (regular or lavender scented), poop bag holders (the kind you clip onto the leash, or the kind you carry in your purse), and of course, we talk poop..lots and lots of poop.

And, because as I said before, we are conscientious, we always, always, always pick up after him. Noon and early afternoon walks are easy. In broad daylight, it's very clear to see where pup has gone. Sometimes, I'll be picking up his poop from a neighbour's lawn, only to find the neighbour at the window..sighing with relief that we didn't just dump and run. We would never do that. I hate getting up in the morning, only to find that someone else's dog has gone on my lawn and no-one cared to pick it up. Therefore I would never do that to anyone else. In the early morning and at night, hubby and I always have a flash-light with us. We do this out of respect for lawns everywhere!!


Having had pup since June 1st, this is our 1st Fall season with him. The Autumn leaves were very pretty in October when they started changing colours. Yellow, orange, gold, red...I just loved them all. Now, in mid-November, they are kind of a dull brown. If they're dry, they crunch underneath our shoes. Pup loves the sound and runs through them. He tosses them in the air, and bites at them. Sometimes they get stuck on his snout. He's perfectly happy with all this..and we love to watch him play. What we don't like are the leaves that are all wet. They just kind stick to the bottoms of your shoes, and stick all over pup's face and legs. (sometimes his back if he's rolling around in them). Also these brown wet leaves look very much like a certain something that belongs in a poop bag...which brings me to yesterday. Yesterday, hubby was exhausted. He had done yard work for most of the day, winterizing the house, raking up out the garage, etc...Being a loving, wonderful wife (!), I suggested to hubby that he stay home last night to relax, while son and I would walk pup. (I should also mention at this point, that we are in the transition stage in puppy food. Pup is now slowly going from puppy food to adolescent food).

Son and I took a few poop bags with us (just in case), and the flash-light (of course). Off we went on our evening walk. Well, we came upon a house and pup took his usual stance (heaven forbid pup wait until the park that was only 1/2 a block away!). Pup had to go and he wanted to go NOW!! As I said, he took his stance and began. He went and went. Son and I began to give each other nervous was gonna be huge. Pup, unphased by our body language, just kept going and going. He got up at one point, went a few feet further, and continued to go. What felt like an eternity, but was probably only a few minutes, the pup finally got up and walked away. I gave son the leash, took out 2 bags (I knew there was no way all that could possibly fit into 1 bag), and I took out the flash-light. I searched and searched...and searched some more. I scoured every inch of that lawn, but all I could see were yucky wet brown leaves. I looked least 10-15 minutes. I'm pretty sure I found the needle in the haystack, but the phantom poop was nowhere to be seen. I took back the leash and gave son the flash-light. I figured his 14 year old eyes were better than mine. He combed through that front lawn with the precision of a CSI agent. The poop was gone!!!

I feel really bad about this. In 5 months, this has never happened to me. But I just know, that when those folks woke up the next morning, they had the same reaction as I did when I found poop in my yard. They thought we didn't was a poop and run...they thought they'd NEVER do that to anyone!

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