11/07/2008 05:12 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Drinking Liberally : Liveblogging The Debates!

The last question was the best. Here's what I don't know. I don't know why they even bothered with this Town Hall format. Why did they edited questions and cut the mic off afterwards? I don't know why we anoint people like Tom Brokaw to be the gatekeeper of open debate or why we glorify low-information voters from from Ohio. I don't why the fuck Anderson Cooper has a job.

Most importantly, I don't know what's going to fix our economy. Or what's going to get us out of Iraq. I don't know the answer to any of these things. And after 90 minutes of watching the two men who think they know the answers I DO know one thing: total disappointment.

10:36 pm: End of Days -- Things I don't know : what a tiller is? Oof! McCain just blew off Obama's handshake! What a wet, flapping, douche bag

10:31 pm "A question from the internet" : What will you do to fix the rampant broken grammar among our nation's kittens?


10:17: Obama has lost steam. McCain is telegraphing his punches. "We have to deal with THE Pakistani." Seriously, that one Pakistani is being a dick.


10:05 Wanna know what the Natasha Doctrine is?: land war with China. Wars are like, super good for the economy (Normandy ya'll!!) and I'm afraid of the billion person behemoth that is China. I'm also a big fan of of kooky hats. Ground war sare great for that. I like the empire and I'm not ready to play a sad and bloated second to China. I'm a single issue voter --who wants to do a trench war against China??

10:00 pm: Oooo McCain is getting his war on! Who Said : "Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You?" Hint: Hold it between your knees!

9:53 pm: Finally, Obama got his footing on the healthcare issue. Ughhh this is like one long Curb Your Enthusiasm episode except Larry David is a ghoul. Tom Brokaw is Susie,The Boner-Killer. Obama is like a "huge vagina" right now.


9:47: Really Tom Brokaw? What a shit-show this guy is. The worst part of these debates have been the moderators whose smug, stentorian posturing keeps the conversation toothless and dull. Ryan Seacrest has more moxie then these decaying old media hacks. Speaking of which Simon Cowell would be the best moderator, no?


9:36 TALK ABOUT MEDICARE! RILE UP 'THE OLDS'. Missed opportunity, B-rock. "Weatherize your home" Oh man, Obama. Pull it together.

9:26: Tom who is being an old prick, asked about sacrifice. You wanna know about sacrifice? Jessica Alba is sacrificing her career for this election!


9:22 9:15: Can we talk about this bullshit swing voter live-poll? Some casinos in Vegas pull this same nonsense at the roulette table. They flash the numbers of the past spins on a little screen: it's instant and irrelevant

9:04 Hmm when McCain says "my friends" is that a dog whistle for the white folk? Hey! E-bay reference, some intern got an extra bump for that. Here's why McCain is going to lose because he will never look this cool (internet based buying and selling references be damned!)


8:50 Hey McCain, why pull out (of Michigan ) if you're shooting blanks? HEY-O! I keep the fucking internet classy, people.

8:45: We already know this debate isn't going to be as much fun because there won't be a funny Tina Fey sketch to come out if it. But I'm here. You're here. And we have that salty whore named BOOZE to keep this shit light. Ok. So. Are you up to speed on all the delicious election ephemera? Sarah Palin's ADORABLE doodles. Obama"s unbeatable baby handling skills. And of course the best new election meme on the interwebs: