10/29/2013 10:18 am ET Updated Dec 23, 2013

Merry Happy Greetings

Merry Happy Greetings

Tis the season to be jolly
Lest you make a Yuletide folly

If you and I were to cross paths
Greet me right or incur my wrath

Please know the proper thing to say
"Season's Greetings" is just too gay

And do not dare to make it worse
With that "Happy Holiday" curse

Sure I realize the holidays
Go Thanksgiving to New Year's Day

But giving thanks is awful dumb
And all that champagne makes me numb

And Kwanzaa is simply a prize
For Africans to scrutinize

Hanukkah need not be addressed
They get eight days; makes me depressed

How dare they try to celebrate
When they don't claim my holy faith

Which teaches me never to share
Accept them not and cease to care

So from this day until year's end
Ignore the other joyful trends

Every person you're sure to see
Pretend they worship just like me

Simply ignore their selfish gall
Say "Merry Christmas" to them all.