12. Rosie O'Donnell is inside one of those Times Square Elmo suits. Now you feel like the idiot.
11. You know that snarky subway conductor? It's Adam Carolla.
10. Gabriel Iglesias was made in a Build-A-Bear Workshop.
9. Nick Swardson could spend all day playing Gay Robot and no one would even blink an eye.
8. Joel McHale's biting sarcasm would make a mugger cry.
7. Luis Jimenez never gives money to mariachi bands.
6. Getting Brian Regan to perform on the platform would make people want to take the L train.
5. Margaret Cho hates Canal Street too, but she can tell people to get out of her way in two languages.
4. "Maz Jobrani" sounds like a Jamba Juice.
3. Kevin Hart is like the Chrysler Building: sharp, elegant, and constantly overshadowed by the Empire State Building.
2. Louis CK is as f***ing eloquent as a goddamn cab driver.
1. Aziz Ansari can buy a 3AM quesadilla on any street in any borough.
Top Twelve Ways the New York Comedy Festival Was Made for NYC
Margaret Cho hates Canal Street too, but she can tell people to get out of her way in two languages.
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