New Yorkers have it good. I'll say nothing more on this. You like my title, don't you? It reeks of jealousy. I won't be there this year. Damn. Tribeca Film Fest sucks anyway. No, it doesn't. It really doesn't.
I was on my way back from Yankee Stadium on the final day of the festival last year. Fate. A guy standing outside one of the cinemas had seen one too many films and couldn't stomach another. I took his ticket. He asked me if I had heard the warning. No, I hadn't. Do films come with warnings? This one did. I was told it would be the most brilliant film I had ever seen, and also the most devastating. Well, start the damn film already. I want devastation. Now!
The film ended. Still in my seat, unable to breathe properly I turned to my right and saw scores of people howling at the credits. Brilliance and devastation -- 90 minutes of it. I wanted more. I walked back to my hotel thinking about the film I had just seen. If it had this effect on me, surely it would have the same on others. I called a friend and told them about this film. I said, mark my words, this film will take top honors at the next Academy Awards. It has to.
Tribeca Film Fest sucks. No, it doesn't. I wish I was attending this year. Mostly to see Amanda F***ing Palmer hit the rocks and Brad getting circumcised. Who wouldn't want to see Brad getting circumcised?! A storyteller's paradise. I'm most upset how innovative Innovation Week looks. A place for gamers, coders, hackers, screenwriters, futurists, directors, financiers and anyone who has a story to tell. Is what they tell me. Makes me want to throw up. I mean, how can you not want to attend every film, every talk, every event at the fest? I know the fest sucks, but it doesn't.
I'm a storyteller first and foremost and New York for me is a story. I remember my first time in New York City. I remember the magical experience of sitting at the Cafe Carlyle watching Woody Allen tearing it up with his band. I wonder if he still plays there.
I remember the first time I was in New York City, walking into Greenwich Village, picking up a book about Bob Dylan and not leaving the village until I had read it from cover to cover. This will make such a great film I thought.
Or the giant meatball sandwich I got given on my first walk through Little Italy. New York Sucks. No, it doesn't.
To everyone attending the 2014 Tribeca Film Festival -- lap it up, have a blast and let me know which films blew your mind! So many did for me in 2013. I will never miss another festival. I would be stupid to. Even though it sucks. No, it doesn't.