02/26/2013 05:54 pm ET Updated Apr 28, 2013

My Really Personal Ad

Hi! I've never written before about who I am and what I want in a relationship, but here goes. I'll be as specific as possible because I know that's the only way to get what you want in a mate -- and in life!

Generally, I like to have fun. Surprise me! If you can make me laugh, we're off to a good start. Especially if we start S-L-O-W-L-Y. Like Joanne Woodward said, friendship is key. She and Paul Newman "really liked" each other, ie., if you're in a mad rush to find your soul mate, STOP READING NOW.

About me: Creative type. I'm always looking for ways to express myself.

What I believe in: A whole, healing spirit that connects us all but also includes unconscionable evil and impenetrable mystery.

What I'm up for: Friendship, dating, long-term relationship, short-to-long-term-relationship.

Re: Sex: Vanilla, but mildly fetish-y OK as long no one gets peed on or humiliated or videoed and it results in nothing worse than superficial bruises (burst blood vessels?) that last no more than 3-5 days.

Seriously, I do like a lot of alone time, so I'm looking for someone who'll let me be alone and he'll also be alone while he's with me, if that makes sense? Maybe we can coordinate a 1-3 hour/day thing where we're awake and together. Those 1-3 hours can include talking, sex, eating, napping or walking, and I'm open to your suggestions as well.

Do I have a type? Not sure, but if so, it goes like this: Conscientious and mature. Friendly, but with an edge. Alpha, on the sweet side. Tall. Large, sensitive hands. Loyal. Broad. Latino boxer-type. Nordic Viking-type. Power trial lawyer. Astronaut. (Ha ha.) Pent-up in a classic male way but responds well to me. Magnetic and youthful, i.e., sweetly intense twenty-something singer-songwriter or fun-loving early-thirty-something opera singer with nurturing sensibilities who loves performing oral sex and can pay his own rent and is not beholden to women with personality disorders, i.e., mother, ex-wife, baby-mama. Has access to recreational drugs but happy to stop at any time. You're clean, love to cook low-cal, flavorful meals, and have high testosterone but are deeply spiritual. Making money is a game you know how to win and you're compassionate, faithful, and you like women. You're athletic and regimented but you don't leave our bed at 5:30 a.m. to go cycling before your 8:00 a.m. meeting so I wake up alone and panic and feel abandoned. Prefer you to have neutral feelings towards your mother. You and your mother are not "best friends." Feelings towards father...?? Father deceased, maybe?

Financial status: 150K+, but less OK. For example, this guy I met recently at a bar. I call him The Viking, because he comes from the mountains and is built and blue-eyed and so pale I could barely focus on him when I first saw him.

The Viking told me that Yes, he'd like to go out with me but that, "You should know: I'm not a relationship guy." Most guys think that at first.

My talent agent friend looked at the Viking's actor/model website and said he's just "average," but the pics don't really do him justice, so I let him reschedule twice. It's funny/strange because whenever I pour almond milk into a bowl of blueberries now, I think of the Viking, because that's what I was snacking on when we were texting and he was re-rescheduling that second time. It was great to see him again. He seemed nervous and encouraged me kindly to drink and we covered everything from animal behavior -- he trains and boards dogs of all breeds -- to the thrill of riding a motorcycle even though when you're crossing the country alone you'll encounter great swaths of depression and nothing. That emptiness, in his opinion, makes the rest of the trip beautiful. He said he generally needs alcohol to connect with others. (Exaggerating to try to scare me off?)

After we finished our drinks we went to another bar. It was early, so the dark booth in the corner was free, and he left it up to me, booth or table. I said, You pick, and he said, No you, so I said, Fine, the booth, I'm going to the bathroom, be right back. I came back and he was in the corner against the brick wall so I tucked in and we continued our conversation - he was interested in my relationship with weed, a love-hate-love thing -- and at one point I had to reach over and touch the milky-white baby fuzz at the nape of his neck. I said, "I just kind of need to do this," and reached for his neck and the next thing you know we were exploring each other like elegant alien dogs in an outer space meadow. Our lips came very close but we didn't kiss, except for those gentle tickling touches, lip to lip, or lip to cheek or neck. I know that's not friendship, per se, but sometimes it's good to just go for it. When we finally plunged into the kiss it was mind-blowing and soon he had the back of my head in one of his large hands and was tugging gently at my hair, so gently, not too much, just enough.

Here's some other stuff I like to do -- join me!

Trips to the beach.

Jazz/dinners out.

Watch old movies. (Help me figure out why Tony Curtis is such a turn-on to me even when he's in a dress!)

Then my hand went to the Viking's thigh, so hot and firm, and his went to mine, and my other hand was fiddling with a button on his shirt and my forefinger probed the flesh of his solar plexus where the skin was vibrating with passion, and the next thing you know he was all, "Do you wanna get outta here?" -- his website mentions "voiceover talent," so that's why he suddenly sounded so penetrating in my ear -- and I was like, "Look, I hadn't really thought that far ahead. I was just being in the moment," and he was like, "OK." Then I explored the secret bitterness of the upper folds of his ear, with my tongue, and he said, "You have no idea what you're doing to me," and I was like, "Sorry." Even if I'd been ready to go home with him, he was boarding eight dogs, plus his own two, and no doubt the dogs would smell fear on me. I've never been able to read dogs well.

More things I love to do:

Fall asleep with two heating pads, my two cats, and Star Trek, original series, on my mini DVD player. It's inspiring, comforting and naturally sedative.

At midnight, the Viking said he had to walk some dogs, so I was like "Yeah, I have to get back to Brooklyn," so he finished my drink and gave me a pep talk on how to get the driver to go to Brooklyn. He kissed me as I got in the cab. As far as I know, he went back to the mountains the next day for the holidays. It's been about six weeks, so I'm sure he's back in town. My sense is he's a relationship guy, but conflicted. He didn't respond to my text a few weeks ago. Do you think he'll be in touch? If not, drop me a note! I'd love to hear from you! Let's have fun. :-)