There is something that a lot of people still don't understand. In the minute you get successful, the questioning starts: So tell me, what's new in your love life? Is that OK as well? But if you live distinctly from the standard and you say 'no' to this question, they will immediately think that you are unsuccessful -- independently from the fact that you might have had accomplished yourself. It won't even matter if your life makes you happy or if for you -- in that moment -- everything is complete like that. Because we can split our years apart and in some of these parts we do have to experience how it is being in balance by ourselves -- as that is what we have to pursue in a relationship as well. Just there -- obviously -- we won't be alone anymore. You need to look for a relationship to be born from the encounter of two complete people, not for two halves looking for saviors in each other. Therefrom you won't get far. Practice quietly, there is no need to hurry anywhere.
Real success is when you are honest with your own person and you are living an authentic life. A life is what you are not creating by the expectations of others but keep experiencing till you find the things what make you happy. This is how you can get closer to your balance. When you are open to everything what surrounds you and take out from it what serves you.
1. Away with the social expectations!
Even if everybody is building their lives based on the social expectations around, you don't need to do the same. Look for your own way, for the way what makes you blissful. Stand for it and be creative. It's not gonna be easy, but believe me, that's the only way. You can wish for different things independently from the fact that everyone else is looking for a big house, a dog, a marriage or a well-paid job. Find the way that gives you happiness and stick to it. Does it matter if it's distinct than the one others know about? The fact that some of my friends want to get married, doesn't mean that anyone can put a ring on my finger. As I also live my life completely differently than others, this is going to happen in another way as well. It doesn't mean that I will never have anyone, I just don't think that you need to commit someone by your side forever. Look around -- does it work? You see..
TIP: Think it through realistically: If the life you are leading is gonna be able to make you happy in the long-term or not. Imagine your life in five years. If everything continues the way it's now, where will you get? It's also suggested to think about if the future you are cherishing right now will be the one you are really looking for? Not everybody is made to be a mother, not everybody is made to be a wife. Think about it realistically.
Freedom means that you are the one who decides about your own life. You do what you want, make money how you want and pass time with those who you want. Liberty is about constantly looking for happiness and building into your life everything you couldn't miss out. Things what make you be more, make you learn, make you stronger. You won't be successful by the husband, the big house, the car, the well-paid job you have. You will be successful if you never get into anything what is not condign to you. It's not going to be easy. Your ego will constantly tempt you to do so: to be satisfied with less, to let yourself get humiliated. As the goal is the love and our ego wants to get in its way. It wants attention, at all costs, independently from its quality. But if you are able to be sensible, you can overwrite it and act wisely. This is what happens when you leave someone without asking if he doesn't care about you or continuously humiliates you even if you are attracted to him, because you know: this is not what you need. The reason of being successful is not living by the expectations of others. It's possible that you don't have anyone, but if you can make the right decisions even against yourself, if you are able not to let in what breaks you, than yes, you are successful in your relationships.
2. Get in balance!
I am striving for balance, but the more time I pass inquiring into it, I understand more and more: Just because I pay attention in every single area of my life figuring out how could I fill it even more, there are always going to be some gaps -- but even like this, I still feel my life complete. Here's another theory also being thrown around. The one that says that the only way of being in balance is having every piece perfect from the magic five: career, family, friendships, relationship, health. This is a bluntness. I've never seen a person like this. The one who sets the equipoise as a state, sets something so unreachable and unrealistic as a goal. While I, not having a relationship, still feel in balance. Find the perfection in the imperfection. The less is more sometimes.
TIP: Test your different areas and find in each one of them what can equilibrate you. For me, in terms of health, the workouts, massages and meditation are the things what work. In terms of career, the lectures, the blog and the new book. My friendships are cleared, i just meet people we both take each other ahead with. I cleared out my life, there is no frippery left. If I would let any of that in, the balance would capsize immediately.
Important: Focus! Try to accept everything what happens, even if it's bad. Just accept and keep on doing what you were. Don't tilt out from the state of FLOW, don't feel sorry for yourself, don't play the martyr.
3. Little by little!
Let's set up the goal of adjusting every area of your life little by little. It's going to be easier than you thought. You're quickly going to learn what you need to do when the balance is gone. After a while you are going to be able to get back to the FLOW in seconds without loosing too much time in situations where the walls are about to fall on you. For me this technique works amazingly. I always have some sort of challenge in my life that equilibrates me. My life is never boring, because while first I just concentrate on one area, as I get better I start to focus on more at the time I believe that by today I am in balance in four areas out of the five above. Now the goal is to keep it stay like this -- thats when the fifth point can come.
4. Decide well!
So how is it that I still feel myself balanced? Because I just let the good flow into my life, just things I like to do, things what serve me. I just say yes to things I want - if I don't feel that an action can end up good, I recede from it. I listen to my intuitions.
It doesn't mean tough that I am living in 'leisure'. As while having a workout the good excercise is not equal with the one I know and love, I also need goals in my life month to month that
1. benefit me- like a work out
2. but I would never start till it's not a must
I am creating a healthy, livable lifestyle for non-ordinary reasons. For example, to have energy, not doing always what i want to, etc. I constantly need those things I used to refuse, because I want to experience the feeling of "I can do this" over and over again. The next goal like this is learning how to swim and for the summer, learning how to surf.
I might not have a boyfriend, but I still think I am successful in terms of this area of life as well. You know why? Because I am able to make good decisions. I just let quality relationships into my life, and I am absolutely aware of their value. I know how much I worked on them and I know that a person who doesn't belong there can cause huge damage if I let myself lose my mind. Yes, I know. If you built strong walls nobody could hurt you, but trust me, a bad relationship paralyses and weakens you. The real superhero is the one who can say no to, in spite of every desire -- being able to think it through realistically, knowing where it could lead. Acceptance means that you understand that it's a period like this, but you know, that as soon as you are gonna be ready for it, it's gonna change.