The North American Parent is an omnivorous eater, consuming a wide variety of foods to ensure adequate nutrition. Historically, the Traditional North American Parent evolved from eating a steady diet of pizza, Cap'n Crunch, and beef jerky during the College Era to adopt a healthier, more balanced diet in the Double Income-No Kids Epoch.
Modern parents, having survived a cataclysmic shift in lifestyle as a result of The Great Birth Event, may start out with the best of nutritional intentions but find that their meal planning quickly devolves into Hunger Games-style chaos as they chauffeur their brood from school to Kumon to baseball to gymnastics to scouts to piano to... Shit! I'm starving!
Nutritious, home-cooked meal made with ethically raised locavore meats, sustainable whole grains, and organic produce bought daily at the farmers' market.
Organic roast chicken and assorted sides picked up at Whole Foods after Mommy & Me.
Chicken dinner picked up from Boston Market on the way home from daycare.
Bucket of KFC, hastily grabbed at the drive-thru after the Little League game goes into extra innings.
Delivery pizza wolfed down an hour past bedtime because someone forgot to order until 7 p.m.
Cold cereal eaten standing over the sink while checking homework and packing the next day's lunches.
The uneaten mac and cheese scraped from the kids' dinner plates.
M&Ms scarfed from the minivan cup holder while flooring it from the office to aftercare before those damn $1-per-minute late charges kick in.
Stale pretzel stix, string cheese, and stray raisins scrounged from the bottom of a kid's backpack because you've been stuck on shuttle duty since 7 a.m.
Excerpted with permission from Science of Parenthood: Thoroughly Unscientific Explanations for Utterly Baffling Parenting Situations, by Norine Dworkin-McDaniel and Jessica Ziegler, out now from She Writes Press. Follow Norine and Jessica on Facebook and Twitter.