10/05/2007 10:44 am ET Updated 6 days ago

Roadkill: OffTheBus's Ongoing RoundUp of the Awkward, the Ugly, and the Just Plain Weird


The following piece was produced through the Huffington Post's OffTheBus. Edited by Richard Riehl and Denise Wheeler. Reported by Kirsten Anderson, River Curtis-Stanley, Jodi Lampert, Julie Pierce, and Debbi Plummer. Thanks to "Karen" for the Tancredo tip.

"Get over it, Huck!": In Monday's speech at the Center for Strategic and International Studies, Mike Huckabee likened the U.S. to a showoff kid. "There was one kid who was just exceptional at everything he did," Huck mused. "Remember when every time he did something exceptional he rubbed your face in it? You were hoping that just once he would strike out, maybe he would miss the catch that would save the day. That is the United States." Does that bring back painful memories, Huck? After improving your self-esteem by dropping 100 lbs. in a year, why do you still hate that guy? That was 40 years ago, you were too fat to play, and he was better than you. No need to diss the whole country.

"What makes Freddie run?": In his interview with Sean Hannity yesterday, Fred Thompson was asked whether his trophy wife was more fired up about his campaign than he was. Freddie explained why that wasn't true: "To people who say that this has not been my lifetime ambition, I plead guilty. It hasn't been. That's absolutely true. When I left the -- before I left the Senate, Jeri and I got married. Not too long after that, we discovered that Hayden was on the way." He went on to ask himself the question, "Our generation, what are we doing to or for the next generation, for their welfare? And how many people have an opportunity to do anything about it? And I was fortunate enough to have a wife who inspires me." So, give Freddie a break, people. It took him two marriages and the birth of his fourth child just to figure out he might be able to help his kids by being President. He'll get more fired up about it as soon as Jeri gives him his to-do list if he gets the job.

"But it's something": The title of the article is, "McCain Says Money Not All That Important." Children, listen--this is something that is said either by very, very rich people, who don't actually handle their own vast amounts of money, or very, very poor people, who are trying to make themselves feel better. We report. You decide.

"Yippeee!": Today's "Fun Fact," as posted on the official Giuliani website blog: "David Malpass, Chief Global Economist of Bear Stearns: "I've interacted with leaders in the political and financial worlds for some time, and Rudy Giuliani is as natural and instinctively conservative a leader as I've seen." Fun!!!!!

"Freddie prefers the bed chamber": Apparently, having to sit in the exalted Senate chamber was not to Fred's fancy. In fact, he found it darn right boring and a waste of his time. "I don't like spending 14 and 16-hour days voting on 'sense of the Senate' resolutions on irrelevant matters," he snorted. "There are some important things we really need to get on with--and on a daily basis, it's very frustrating." Snort, snort, snort. When his seat came up in 2002, he chose not to run again, which he now wears as a badge of honor. When asked by National Review to name his most important accomplishments in office, he replied, "You mean, besides leaving the Senate?" Does that mean he'll be going from a snort to a snore if he makes it to the Oval Office? Just what we need, another president who can't keep his eyes open.

"Hillary targets talking voters": Hillary isn't lonely. She just wants to know if we'll talk to someone for her. It seems she can't talk to everybody one-on-one. No matter how often she travels--or how early she wakes up--she just can't seem to squeeze in talking to all the voting folk. But she does love hearing their stories. She says they remind her every day how much Americans are ready to change. Which is why she needs our help, and has now launched a nationwide "Voter Contact Program," to help us, help her, talk. To more people. It's an important new phase for Team Hillary, she says, and she's aiming for a commitment of 300,000 volunteer hours. As in talking hours. I just called my neighbor and told her, her dog had escaped. I'm not sure how that helps HIllary, but at least the dog is back.

"Hey, Fred, are you smarter than a 5th grader?": They must not teach much Geography in Tennessee. Or maybe Fred Thompson really has been asleep all these years, since he seems to be the only person over the age of 10 who doesn't know Russia is no longer the "Soviet Union." But that didn't stop him from sticking his chicken wing in his mouth again. "I'm afraid that the Soviet Union & China are not ever going to do anything that's going to hurt them that badly," Thompson said in an interview with Radio Iowa this week. "But we need to ratchet those up if at all possible." You better hold onto that ratchet, Fred. You may need it for your next career. And here's another tip: the Confederate States of America, just like the old Soviet Union, no longer exist.

"Ron Paul hangs up his peace sign": It was only a matter of time. With all the other candidates flip-flopping faster than Flipper, Ron Paul was bound to flip-flop too. The GOP's only anti-war candidate and member of Congress, voted twice this week in ways that belie his pacifist claims. He was one of two who voted against demanding immediate and unconditional release of Nobel Laureate Daw Aung San Suu Kyi from imprisonment in Burma. The vote was 413-2 in favor of the resolution. Just a few minutes earlier, Paul was also one of 12 representatives voting "nay" on a bill "To Provide Compensation to Relatives of United States Citizens Who Were Killed As a Result of the Bombings of United States Embassies in East Africa on August 7, 1998." So much for freedom, peace and prosperity. Even John Lennon is flip-flopping in his grave over those votes, Mr. Paul. More here.

"Only legal citizens need apply": Tom Tancredo wants to meet you. That's right. The ex-school teacher turned Congressman, who bravely stands up to corporate interests, the White House, and special interest groups, is looking for new "friends" on his MySpace site. And, just in case you didn't know, he recently ran first in a straw poll for President at a Michigan Lincoln Day Dinner. Don't be concerned that no one else heard of the event, including the media, because you can't judge a candidate by their straw. Besides, he's in support of a 700 mile double layer fence, to ensure America is immigrant free. And with a friend like that, why worry? Unless you somehow forgot to become a United States citizen, or end up stuck on that fence. Then, that might be a bit of problem. Because Tom makes it pretty clear he wants to meet only "legal citzens and supporters of H.R. 4437." That's the border protection bill. That may explain why he won the only straw poll no one has heard of. But, hey, you can't blame a guy for trying. Just ask Newt.


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