THE BLOG
10/08/2014 05:34 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Why Trick Or Treating Is Better As An Adult

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1. You're more likely to get candy with a realistic costume fit to your body type. No one really buys a 4"2 Iron Man, you dumb kid!

2. If you don't like people's candy choices - you can call them out on it. Root beer flavoured candy? Try again. Gum? Do I look like an amateur? Raisins? That's not candy, get the fuck outta here.

3. You can stay up as late as you want. Show up at someone's door at 3am asking for candy? You're gonna get get a lot of candy!

4. Your "Trick" threat is actually threatening. When kids say "Trick or Treat", what is the worst they could do, Egg your house? When a grown ass man says he's gonna trick you if he doesn't get his treats, you could DIE.

5. You can go on a longer route when you have a car. You know how much candy you can get if you hit every house right up to the Mexican boarder?

6. You don't need a group, you can go Trick or Treating alone. Then you don't have to share shit. It's all yours!

7. You can hit places you could never hit trick or treating as a kid because you weren't allowed in. Trick or Treat at a college dorm, or a dive bar.

8. You're also going to get a lot more candy this way, because who else is gonna trick or treat at a strip club?

9. You can eat all the candy in one sitting, and not worry about cavities, because you've got a dental plan from work and they'll pay for it.

10. Going Trick or Treating together is an amazing idea for a first date. And also a great way to find out if your date is cool or just a candy hating dumbass that dislikes fun.

11. If you're embarrassed about still Trick or Treating in your late 20s, just say you're a hipster doing it ironically.

12. And remember: if it's Halloween - it's not "armed robbery", it's Trick or Treating at gunpoint.

Have Fun!

(Illustrated by: Tom Trager)