01/17/2014 03:54 pm ET Updated Mar 19, 2014

The Plight of a CrossFitter

All you people out there think us CrossFitters have it so easy because we are in amazing shape and are great athletes, but no one ever stops to think that we have feelings and problems too! You are all so insensitive to our everyday struggles. Not to worry though! I am here to enlighten you to the hardships of an average CrossFitter:

Dude, where's the coconut water? This is the worst thing that could happen to a CrossFitter: You reach into the fridge at the gym and lo and behold your favorite flavor of coconut water is out. GASP! And now what are you going to do? How will you hydrate?! The only solution is to immediately find a local store that sells it before you wither away.

Suns out -- guns out. You ever wonder why CrossFitters are often wearing shirts that either don't have sleeves or look like the sleeves were cut off? Wonder no longer: It's because their arms no longer fit into shirts with normal-sized arm holes. Seriously, this is AWFUL... why do they make the arm holes in shirts so dang small anyway?! Clearly, this is a conspiracy against us.

Oh and another thing: Girl problems 101. Good luck trying to fit properly into pants and boots. Your waist is small, yet your quads and butt are too big to fit into your pants -- how does this happen?! One answer: SQUATS. Also, good luck trying to get boots that not only fit your feet, but over your calves too. And bra straps that stay in place? Nope. Your traps laugh at you while you are cursing and pulling your straps up every few minutes, FYI.

I need more chalk! 10-second count down before the WOD starts, you reach into the chalk bucket to chalk up, take your hands out, and -- wait -- where's the chalk bro?! This is the second worst thing that can happen to a CrossFitter. Everyone knows that chalk is imperative to your workouts -- you can't PR without chalk. It's a proven fact. DON'T MESS WITH SCIENCE.

Shaker balls. These pesky little things always seem to go missing. Where do they even GO anyway? And how are you supposed to mix your after-WOD protein shake without a shaker ball for your shaker?!?! Your time window after working out to refuel your bod is very small, there is no time to be fumbling around looking for a small metal object and losing gains.