03/10/2014 02:24 pm ET Updated May 10, 2014

9 Steps to Overcoming Fear

There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life. -- John Lennon

Fear can be debilitating but it isn't always bad. It can actually propel you into making beneficial changes in your life. However, feeling excessive fear, the kind that continuously haunts you, can be crippling -- to the point where you're unable to function in everyday life. The good news is that this type of fear can be overcome.

First, let's take a deeper look at what fear is.

Fear is a demanding feeling formed from a thought, belief and/or perception that you will not be safe and secure. Fear always has its root in the future, even if the thoughts, beliefs and perceptions come from past experiences. Fear is rooted in an expectation of something coming to pass and simultaneously not coming to pass. This expectation masks itself as a dire need -- one of survival. Essentially, you deeply feel that you will not survive if this need is not met.

Sometimes it helps when you can release these thoughts, beliefs and perceptions that create these expectations. Unfortunately I have discovered that this doesn't always work.

The reason this doesn't work is that the fear must receive something very important before it can go away -- and what it needs isn't what you think. Fear isn't looking for solid proof of safety and security. Fear is looking for love. Love is what it really needs underneath it all.

Why am I talking as though fear is a separate entity? Because it is! Fear is something you can have, that's true -- but fear isn't of you. When you experience fear as separate from you, you'll be able to give it what it really needs. And when you do that, my friend, you have pretty much eliminated your fear all together.

So now that you are more aware of what fear is, how do you apply this knowledge in order to overcome it? By following these steps:

  1. Bring to mind the person or situation that you fear. Try to simplify the situation into a few words such as "not having enough money."
  2. Notice where the fear is showing up in your body.
  3. Give this fear a shape and a color. Any will do.
  4. As you see the shape and color, notice how it becomes separate from you.
  5. Ask that shape and color what it really needs. Give yourself plenty of time for the answer to come. It may come just as "love" or it may come in a more specific version of love such as "acceptance," "approval," etc. Don't discount the answer you receive.
  6. Send that shape and color unconditional love. Unconditional love is free from judgment and criticism and blankets all specific versions of love.
  7. As you send unconditional love, notice the compassion you begin to feel for this shape and color.
  8. . Notice how the shape and color of this fear changes as it is filled with unconditional love and compassion.
  9. Allow the new shape and color to grow and embrace you, becoming a part of you and healing you.

Follow these steps whenever you are faced with feeling fear and soon you'll find that it simply has no power over you. And it doesn't, ever.

In addition to leading powerful, transformative workshops, Pamela privately mentors clients one on one to help them overcome their fear and achieve their goals and dreams. To find out more about Pamela and her services, please visit