THE BLOG
10/30/2014 10:35 am ET Updated Dec 30, 2014

How to Stop Your Addiction to Your Ex

"Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny." ― Steve Maraboli

Ever since I once wrote an article on how to tell the difference between addictive love and genuine love, I've received pleas for help from people who want to stop the anguish and torment that result from addictive love. This article addresses just that.

A long time ago I felt exactly what a lot of you feel - an addictive, unrequited love. I remember what it was like for me and I learned (the hard way) exactly what I needed to do to move on. It was a tough climb but well worth it since the end result brought me a far greater, more genuine and enduring love. Now I feel blessed to be able to share all the wisdom I gained from that hardship with others.

When you are addicted to someone, you can't stop thinking about them, desiring and pining to be with them. You eat, sleep, think and breathe them. Your feelings border on obsession. People who have never felt such a strong attraction with another can't understand these overwhelming feelings you have. Your connection is like none other than you have felt before and you are convinced this person you long to be with is your soul mate. (Note: there is a lot of misunderstanding about soul mates. To read more about this you can download my free ebook)

So you call, text or write them expressing your despair in the hopes to get them back, but to no avail. Desperate, you turn to counselors, doctors or even prayer - anything to alleviate the pain you feel, and still you feel no relief.

But relief is possible and very much within your reach. Here's what you have to do to find it:

LET....THEM....GO.

And here's how you do it:

• Be willing to trust they aren't the only one who you are going to love so intensely
• Be willing to trust there is another soul mate - a better one for you - waiting in the wings
• Be willing to create a new relationship and start by focusing on the RELATIONSHIP that you want (instead of focusing on the person you want)
• Be willing to let your desire for your ex be re-channeled into your desire for that new relationship

You see, your willingness is your will-power. And you must use that power to stop your anguish by letting go and trusting in that process. Letting go and trusting that you will not only be okay without that person in your life, but will be even better than okay. Better because you are now free to create exactly what you DO want in a relationship. In other words, you can use these negative experiences to start looking at how you can create the opposite -which is a deeper, richer, more harmonious and joyful, enduring soul connection. Now I realize that you want all this with your ex. But in order for you to feel better, in order for you to stop feeling so much anguish, torment and pain, you must be willing to want all that goodness with someone else. Therein lies the answer that you seek.

Pamela's work with individuals includes one-on-one intuitive counseling, therapeutic body work and more. As a founder of the R.E.A.P. healing method, she has developed specialized healing meditations called "Transmissions" that are designed to assist people with letting go and more to bring about balance and peace. You can read more about these meditations here