06/05/2013 12:13 pm ET Updated Aug 05, 2013

Why Some Women Stray and How to Prevent It

"The more connections you and your lover make, not just between your bodies but between your minds, your hearts and your souls, the more you will strengthen the fabric of your relationship" ~ Barbara de Angelis

Ms. de Angelis nailed it. Countless women (and men too) feel a yearning for these very connections in a relationship. These connections between the minds, hearts and souls of two partners are, in essence, the basis of emotional fulfillment. In order to feel emotionally fulfilled, these connections must be in place.

In the years I have counseled my clients, in particular those that were married women, I witnessed large percentages that were emotionally "malnourished." They truly longed for emotional fulfillment and a deep connection (or re-connection) with their husband. Some of them once had this connection within their relationship and some of them never had this connection at all. Either way, these women eventually found themselves yearning for something more. And many of them found it -- unfortunately outside of their marriage.

What actually constitutes emotional fulfillment for women in general? Basically, it is those connections that make a woman feel loved, cherished, secure, safe, happy and contented with their partner. I've found that there are five basic connections in particular are required. Although I outline each one separately, the reality is that all of these connections are intertwined and therefore must all be met to attain emotional fulfillment.

Respect. I don't think men and women have the same definition of what it means to be respected by their mate. This can cause a great deal of disruption within a marriage. For women, feeling respected can involve many layers. For instance, words spoken in any tone that is less than loving or kind can make her feel disrespected and can cut like a knife. How he treats her overall is essential.

Value. This is a big one. Women need to feel like an asset -- an invaluable presence to her mate. A woman needs her mate to recognize her worth -- which is priceless.

Appreciation. Women, just like men, need to feel genuinely appreciated for who they are and what they bring to the relationship. They don't need to be appreciated for absolutely everything, just the things they put their personal "stamp" on. It's usually those things their mate wouldn't have in their lives if it weren't for these women. Without appreciation, women feel neglected, worthless and meaningless.

Celebration. This may sound silly to some, but I know many women who deeply desire to be seen and treated as a Goddess by her mate. She needs him to see her as the epitome of love, beauty, sensuality and more. When he genuinely sees her in this manner she feels -- and is -- celebrated.

Authenticity. This is the heart of real emotional fulfillment and deep connections. A man needs to allow himself to authentically love, keeping his heart open to her. Many times a woman can sense when he isn't being genuine and is just "going through the motions" to keep her happy. Unfortunately, all attempts made will mean nothing if it isn't sincere and heartfelt. Without authenticity, she can't connect with him -- after all, he's not really connected either.

It's important here to mention that men aren't solely responsible for fulfilling women's needs -- emotional or otherwise. Women also have a responsibility to meet their mate at the place she yearns to be. In other words, she has to love, cherish, respect, value and appreciate herself first. Otherwise, she would end up being emotionally dependent. As I teach my clients, self love is non-negotiable -- period. One must be emotionally self-reliant first in order to have a healthy, loving and enduring relationship.

To mentor with Pamela, visit or email her at Pamela works one-on-one with her clients to empower, heal and transform so they may reach their goals of having a loving, joyful and emotionally fulfilling relationship.