All I want for Christmas is a society that is not so confused about how to protect its children from appalling harm.
All I want for Christmas is a government that understands that its first and most sacred duty is to provide for the defense and welfare of all the people so that they may live long enough to enjoy the blessings of liberty.
All I want for Christmas is a nation that honors its teachers with as much zeal as hunters.
All I want for Christmas is an end to moments of silence in the face of unthinkable tragedies.
All I want for Christmas is the voice of reason to replace irresponsible blather about adding more guns to this blood-drenched culture.
All I want for Christmas is the triumph of justice over evil, the gift of hope for lives in despair, the mystery of faith made just a little bit less opaque in times of intense disbelief.
So if that's too much, then I'll settle for these smaller gifts:
A ban on men who are not doctors discussing their theories on gynecological functions on national television and attempting to enshrine those theories in law.
A voluntary media movement to stop the graphic depictions of horrific acts of murder and mayhem on television, movies and video games.
A city council where no one is indicted, under investigation, or on the take.
A functional Congress.
A ladder to help us all get down from the fiscal cliff.
Peace on earth, if even just for one day.
Santa lives!