With so many things to do at college, it's hard sometimes to just relax and do things for yourself. I am a perfect example of this. Going to dinner tonight I remember sitting down at a table and just thinking about all the work I had to do. Why? What work? I just finished all my homework. Yet for some reason my mind was looking for something to worry about. I stopped myself and focused on what I was eating. I asked myself, am I a naturally anxious person? This has been the first time in a couple of weeks where I haven't had anything to do. Friends were busy, homework was done, already ate dinner, too late to go to the rock gym. Hmm, what to do, what to do?
It's funny because when I'm busy with mountains of homework I always think how nice it would be to sit and relax but then when I actually get some time to relax, I don't know what to do with myself. Is it because I always need to be in motion, always need to be doing something or something else?
I think it has more to do with my current mindset. My anxiety is not because I am a naturally anxious person; I think it is more to do with the fact that I cannot be content in the now. I have to realize that there is nothing that I have to worry about. I have an education, a bed, a roof over my head, food whenever I want, means of transportation, fresh water, great friends and a great family, so why I am still looking for something to be wrong.
Why in this age of mass media, with a hundred different tweets and texts being sent every second of the day, do I still feel alone?
That's it, I feel alone!
Over the past couple of weeks I've been having a slow rolling epiphany. Day by day I have begun to realize that just because you are alone, it does not mean you are lonely. Just because I am not hanging out with a friend or a girlfriend, does not mean I am having any less fun; if anything I have just given myself more time to be with the most important person in the world, me.
I was born alone and I will die alone, might as well get used to myself. I am the one person I can truly trust and the one person that I truly know. Even though I am young, I am amazed at how much I am learn about myself every passing day. It's funny, it's seems as humans we struggle to find what makes us happy.
But we have great skill at finding what makes us sad.
When the week picks up back and when I once again have homework then I'll be wishing for some free time, but this time when I actually get it, I'll make sure to be content.
I would like to give this advice to fellow college students. The next time you find yourself worrying about nothing, ask yourself why you are worrying. If you can't answer that question then smile and be content.
Take that free time to get to know the most important person in the world.