01/08/2012 05:31 pm ET Updated Mar 09, 2012

God's Candidates Failing: Could the Almighty Dollar Be More Powerful Than the Almighty?

God, we were led to believe, spoke to Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum and, yes, even serial liar and philanderer Newt Gingrich, and told each of them to run for President of the United States. God's ways are, of course, mysterious, so it was never adequately explained why he chose four to go for it, rather than the one he told Pat Robertson was going to win the presidency anyhow.

Oddly, despite their having the almighty on their side, none of them is running away with the race. Indeed, one is out, two are struggling and the fourth is perhaps having his day in the sun.

Mitt Romney, the frontrunner, has wielded a different weapon -- the almighty dollar. He has unsheathed the almighty dollars his so-called independent Super-PAC has accumulated to smite anyone who raises his head above water to challenge him.

Of course, true to his character, Romney has borne false witness about his Super PAC, claiming it is truly independent of him. And, of course, true to character Newtie has claimed that the substance of Romney's ads are fraudulent -- whereas, in fact, they are all true and in context, demonstrating that Romney has the capacity to tell the truth, just not about himself.

The person other than himself that Romney will never be honest about is President Obama. That, of course, is to be expected. After all, he IS a Republican (isn't he, Rick?) While the almighty may disapprove and consign Mitt to "the other place" for his lies, he has enough of those almighty dollars to make people believe the most outrageous of his lies.

God's messengers on earth, or at least his political messengers, are going to make a judgment god himself would not -- choosing the one Pat Robertson already knows will win to be the sole bearer of the torch, asking (telling?) the others to drop out. It will be interesting to watch how obedient god's servants are to his political surrogates.

Gingrich, who never acted terribly concerned about what god prescribed anyhow, is likely to ignore god's surrogates because his Super-PAC just received $5M from casino billionaire Sheldon Adelson, who uses the almighty dollars he makes from gambling to obey the almighty's supposed biblical commands for Jews to occupy the entire West Bank and Gaza, and foment opposition to a two-state solution. How does Newt's use of gambling money square with claims about his "redemption"? Is Ralph Reed listening?

All of this comes from the party that swears obedience to the Founders -- who clearly expected both the absence of the almighty and the almighty dollar from determining political outcomes.

Lord knows, the Founders are probably spinning in their graves, even faster than almighty dollars spin someone's record or character.