Test Marketing a New Term ...

Glad to see the Ministry of Friendly Sounding Words was busy over the weekend finding Dr. Frist a new term for the much ballyhooed "nuclear" option -- the "constitutional" option. "Constitutional" is just a real pip of a word. Positively rolls off the tongue. In fact, it's downright fun to say. "Con-stit-too-shun-al." It's the verbal equivalent of skipping down the street with an ice cream cone in your hand. It's like a semantic bag of Lays potato chips. You simply can't just say it once.
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Glad to see the Ministry of Friendly Sounding Words was busy over the weekend finding Dr. Frist a new term for the much ballyhooed "nuclear" option -- the "constitutional" option.

I never thought that those two words could be substituted for one another but, by Gosh, they went and did it. And you know what? It works! It's practically seamless. In some ways, it's even better. "Nuclear" is nothing but trouble. Do you say "new-clear" or do you say "nuke-you-ler"? Whoever invented that word had obviously never studied the human mouth. We don't have enough muscles in our face to make that group of letters come out smoothly. The word is missing a middle syllable, for cryin' out loud. I guess you could say "new-klee-er" but then you run the risk of having those snooty science types snickering at you behind your back. Good riddance to you, "nuclear," I say.

"Constitutional" is just a real pip of a word. Positively rolls off the tongue. In fact, it's downright fun to say. "Con-stit-too-shun-al." It's the verbal equivalent of skipping down the street with an ice cream cone in your hand. It's like a semantic bag of Lays potato chips. You simply can't just say it once. It's like a tattoo. Give in to it the first time and I guarantee you'll be back for more.

In fact, so enamored am I with Dr. Frist's Word-A-Day addition of this term to my personal lexicon that I'm going to jettison "nuclear" from all my vocabulary. And I dare you to tell me you'll miss it. Check it out!:

A constitutional bomb.
Constitutional energy.
Constitutional-powered sub.
Constitutional power plant.
North Korea may or may not be planning a constitutional test.
There are currently 6000 constitutional warheads active in the US.
"If that guy looks at me like that again, I'm gonna go constitutional on his ass."

Well done, Dr. Frist and the fine folks over at the Ministry of Friendly Sounding Words. Now if somebody over there could just tell me what "constitutional" means. I know I've heard it before but it's been so long that I'm a little fuzzy on it.

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