With George W. Bush's longtime aide Karen Hughes leaving her position as undersecretary of state without remotely having achieved her mission of improving America's image abroad (and actually, if possible, having made it worse), I thought it was time for a quick refresher.
1) What was the nickname bestowed on Karen Hughes by reporters?
a) Mama Bear.
b) Nurse Ratched.
c) Livia Soprano.
2) What preposterous claim by Karen Hughes prompted failed Dancing With the Stars contestant Tucker Carlson to say of her, "The striking thing about the way she lied was she knew I knew she was lying, and she did it anyway. There is no word in English that captures that. It almost crosses over from bravado into mental illness"?
a) She said she'd never heard her famously foul-mouthed boss use profanity.
b) She said she'd never seen Laura Bush smoke.
c) She said she'd never told a lie.
3) Which of these words that don't even slightly apply to George W. Bush were nonetheless used by Karen Hughes to describe him in her memoir Ten Minutes From Normal?
a) "Asian," "one-legged," "bald," "transsexual."
b) "Obese," "tattoo-covered," "Jewish," "smirk-free."
c) "Humble," "decent," "spiritual," "thoughtful."
4) Where did the title Ten Minutes From Normal come from?
a) An announcement by the conductor on Bush's campaign train about an Illinois town they were headed for.
b) A comment by a campaign aide as the last polls were about to close on Election Day 2000.
c) A phrase used by a psychiatrist to describe the preternatural pleasure George W. Bush takes in treating people badly.
5) What did Karen Hughes do after George W. Bush appointed her to the position of
undersecretary of state for public diplomacy in the Middle East?
a) Realizing how unqualified for the job she actually was, she invited dozens of experts to brief her on how she might be most effective.
b) She delayed actually starting the job for six months so she could spend some quality time with her college-bound son.
c) She told one of her underlings that her boss had the ability to fart at will, and that, when he was governor of Texas, he liked nothing more than to enter a room full of people, let one loose, then exit the room, leaving its occupants to contend with the smell.
ANSWERS: 1) b, 2) a, 3) c, 4) a, 5) b
Paul Slansky's quizzes will be a regular feature on 23/6, the new satiric news site coming to a computer screen near you later this month.