09/24/2012 02:50 pm ET Updated Nov 24, 2012

Fox & Friends Round Up for Monday, September 24, 2012 -- I Watch So You Don't Have To!

TGIM - Thank God It's Monday! Fox & Friends is on, The Dooce is back (no more Knuckledragger Bolling) paying an homage to the Emmys with a yellow shirt, Gretch (resplendent in red) had her morning feed of pixie stix and @kilmeade (showing he's comfy with his softer side in a soft pink tie) is as clueless as ever... all's right with the world!

First up - La Donald! Its so sad to me that he only comes in via cellphone and not in person. I want to rub my fingers through that tangly tabby cat he uses for a weave. He had to join in early this am as he's receiving a doctorate from the worlds leading Evangelical university, also known as the Online palace - Liberty University. The honor! Forget Harvard, La Donald has Liberty!

First up: the UN general Assembly and Obama - who says he will meet with leaders in private - going on the View

Tweet: La Donald: Not one world leader will meet with the president! telephones not the same as one on one! Terrible!

Tweet: The Dooce: But he will meet with the ladies of the View. Donald: Its out of control! The lack of respect is crazy!

You get the general gist - Obama is a walking disaster. La Donald also mad that Romney's ads are "terrible" - don't tell that to #foxandfriends tho - they always have Frank Lutz on saying how good they are!

And of course there is what Fox is labeling TAXMAGEDDON! The taxes are about to sky rocket! The Dooce takes this opportunity to explain Romney's 14% taxes - and how he magically paid 35% - but the mainstream media just doesn't GET IT.

Tweet: The Dooce explaining Romney's taxes - he actually paid 35%! @kilmeade bringing up Ryan AARP meeting - not bring up the fact he was booed

@Kilmeade apparently thought Ryans' AARP event was a success - not a terminal embarrassment.

Guests include: Ohio state Treasurer (Republican, natch, saying Ohio doing so well NOT because of Obama saving auto industry but because of... Republicans!), Michelle Rhee on education, The actor in the new education movie, (its an educational morning!), Janesville filmmaker (whom the crew wasn't happy with as his film is about Paul Ryan's hometown suffering the worst in the States in economic crisis - and he wont blame it on Obama... also brings up specifics about Ryan not helping)

Tweet: The Dooce: Ohio doing well but Janesville Wisc- where Paul Ryan grew up - worst hit, what does that say bout him (dont worry, itll be great)

And a bit on the Russian trucker who had a crash and flew threw the window and walked away confused the shiz out of @Kilmeade

Tweet: #foxandfriends crew on russian trucker who flew thu windshield and walked away: Gretch: So lucky! @kilmeade: WHO WAS FILMING THAT?

Tweet: The Dooce and Gretch trying to explain to @Kilmeade re the Russian dashcam. @kilmeade: was it a rear dash cam? Gretch: no! on car behind!

Tweet: @Kilmeade: (still on russkie crash) was it a chance it was a COP? the Dooce/Gretch: MAYBE (thinking shut UP)...

Methinks @kilmeade needs to take more fish oil or something. Or start doing Brainteasers.

Tweet: #foxandfriends on 60 mins - Gretch: Obama int. saying biggest disappointment NOT CREATING JOBS! (TPM bullet point of the day)

Much of the show was devoted to a mainstream media outlet, CBS' 60 minutes interviews with Obama and Romney. Romney's peeps went a little crazy with the bronzer - he's as dark as Obama. Or perhaps he's just trying to bring out his Mexican roots? Mexican like Me!

Gretch is very excited for the debates, although clearly isn't used to watching any/not sure how they work:

Tweet: Gretch on debates: I hope there are time cues and little bells - we all know politicians can go on! we want to hear as many answers as possible!

Up next:

Tweet: @kilmeade on Black Panthers and Navy seals! Big white Ben Brink author of Dead Always Vote Dem recruited Navy Seals to protect (reps)

Yes, that's right folks - four years ago, voters were intimidated into voting for the Black Man by the Black Panthers! Don't you worry - this year, Ben Brink and his team of (white?) vets will stop you from being intimidated by those mythical black panthers by standing outside of voting booths making sure no one is intimidated! (I'm intimidated by all this intimidation).

After the black panthers scare segment is Dana Perino - the steely eyed fembot with the sharpened incisors - ready to sink her teeth into Gretch - sorry, Obama!

Tweet: DP (Dana perino not double penetration): Obama also thought it was appropriate to do an interview with radio DJ called Pimp w a Limp!

Perrino dull as dirt this am - so onto Peter Johnson - who has brought PROPS with him! Hes very upset over Obama going on the view and thus holds up pics - JOY BEHAR v. NETANYAHU!

Tweet: Peter Johnson: When Obama says the anti islam vid is offensive hes signing on to Mid East excuse for violence and hatred!

SHERRI SHEPHARD v. MOHAMMED MORSI! (wait - wasn't PJ the guy bitching about Obama willing to talk with Morsi last week?); "PAKISTANS ZARDAN" v. Barbara Walters! HASSEBACK v. KARZAI! (The Dooce: I'd pick Hassleback!) - note: Zardan is not a marvel comic evildoer. I think PJ meant Benazir Bhutto's ex, Asif Ali Zardari.

A mention is made of Obama meeting leaders in private but fox and friends knows that's a lie!

@kilmeade then shows his sensitive side by interviewing former footballer Mark Buoniconti, who's now a quadriplegic after a football disaster:

Tweet: @kilmeade w MArk Buonaconti: 27 years since youve been paralyzed- has this time just dragged on?

Our fearless crew then goes on about Obama's misleading ads, not understanding that perhaps - with all their gaffes last week - this may not be entirely appropo.

Tweet: IRONY ALERT: the Dooce: Even if (Obama) knows the ads are wrong, its gets stuck up there and people start to believe it! #foxandfriends

And finally on to the piece de resistance: The lovely, glamorous, divine radiance of Suzanne Somers - dressed in a shiny, BDSM black pleather outfit ala 50 Shades of Grey .

Tweet: next on #foxandfriends: SUZANNE SOMERS! says you can live to 110! (she shld know, by the looks of things) - cut to SS fingercombing her hair

Tweet: Suzanne Somers coming up - wearing some sort of BDSM black shiny pleather dress - morning TV attire at its best!

Suzanne has a new talk show on Lifetime (which she paid for herself since no one else would - on at the talkshow-demanding hour of 7am - about how to eat right! Fascinating!). It's a little eerie - Suzane has had some work done. Chin, cheek and lip implants. Her face is as smooth as a baby's bottom, her neck- not so much.

I'll let the tweets explain:

Tweet: SS: i admire (#foxandfriends) point of view! Im saying theres another war going on! Whats happened to our food! (what happened to her face?)

Tweet: SS: loved Clint Eastwoods RNC speech. not surprising. "Clint has done movies that make us think and feel."

She then starts talking to the empty space on the curvy couch next to her to illustrate her Eastwood love. I think that pretty much sums up the show this am.