This post appeared fist on CentSai.
Lately, I've been watching a show called Dating Naked. The premise is that two people will go on a naked date, and by baring it all straight away, they hope to shock and awe each other. Dating Naked is full of drama, alcohol and uninhibited people, but I am not sure it would work for me in trying to get to know someone.
On the other hand, it got me thinking about the "let's bare it all process." It's about putting all your cards on the table on your first date, and to see if the person is a match beyond physical attraction. I am 35 right now, and I'd like to have a family someday. What if I date a great guy for a couple of years before finding out he doesn't want kids? I would be back to square one at 37, with the odds of making my dream a reality even slimmer.
Money is the other taboo topic that many avoid like the Zika virus.
Some don't even know how much their partners earn. No wonder there are cases of "debt infidelity," where your significant other racks up debt and you only find out when trying to buy a house together. While I wouldn't ask someone for his credit score on the first date, I think knowing a bit more about his financial situation is important.
Usually, I introduce myself as a vague "online content writer," so people assume I'm just a broke freelancer who will never make it to major publications. And I am OK with that.
I once tried to be more honest. A few months back, I went on a date and told the guy I was a blogger, yes my sites make money, yes I also have a guest house in Guatemala, yes I am a landlady, and yes I write about money all day so I know how to save and invest it.
At the end of the date, we asked for the check and I took my card out to pay; he didn't make a move, and didn't say thank you.
I decided to end it abruptly and asked him to drive me home. He kept talking about how he'd like to see me again, or even better, spend the night with me. I was so offended that he wouldn't even pretend to make a move to pay his share. I cut the night short and never contacted him again.
Was I wrong to bare myself on the first date? Maybe, that was a bit much. Another time, I went with a guy who described himself as "an entrepreneur, working for himself, with a good savings record." And after a few more dates, I found out he was merely a temp worker, with more personal loans than savings. I felt cheated.
Not that I want to date a rich guy.
I want to date someone financially responsible. Someone whom I can make plans with.
Someone who says let's save $50 a week so we can go on holidays next summer, and is true to his word. Someone who can take me on a date once in a while without me having to worry about how he is going to pay for it.
In college, I dated a very responsible, but broke, student. Our frugal dates were hikes and cycling trips. We'd take a train or hitch-hike somewhere and then camp in the wild, or pick wild berries and make jams at home together; we made each other cards for Christmas. That was awesome and required zero money. Had that same broke guy faked a higher status and swiped our dates on his card, he would not have been so attractive.
So yes, money plays a big role in my dating life. I want a partner in life, an equal that will put his fair share in the relationship, and that includes money. By baring it all on the first date, awkward as that may seem, I am saving a lot of time and staying away from potential heartbreaks.
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