THE BLOG
09/25/2014 01:25 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

How to Pray for Good Sex -- And Get It!

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Before you read any further, just know that I have no magic prayer that can help deliver a partner or a multiple orgasm to your front door. Praying for good sex (and yes, you read it correctly: it's "praying," with an "r") is not an act of desperation.

On the contrary, it's an act of faith in yourself and your partner and a way to bring a force larger and more powerful than both of you into the encounter to make it better. Perhaps whatever divine force you might believe in.

My advice is pretty simple: Pray for the sex that you're about to have. But no -- moaning, "Oh God" does not count.

To start, all you have to do is bring the idea into your consciousness. Put a call out into the universe to bring something greater than yourself into the encounter, some higher power. Just by doing this you're pushing other thoughts away and increasing the intensity of the moment and your focus on it. I personally have been able to unclutter my mind, stop the flow of distracting thoughts and become sincere simply by thinking, "Hello, God."

(By "God," I mean whichever presence you choose.)

In fact, it seems half-hearted and careless not to turn the power on at the beginning of an intimate encounter, which, by virtue of the unity, the trust, the vulnerability and the ecstasy it brings is about as spiritual as any act of worship I can think of. And invoking a higher power will only make the experience better, I promise.

Next, when you and partner are just getting cranked up, say a silent, quarter-second prayer: "God (or Goddess), make me a more generous lover." Or perhaps simply, "make me a generous lover."

This brings a lot of things into the mix.

It'll help you focus on giving, which brings joy and pleasure in itself. The giving state of mind feels much better than the yearning, expecting, requiring state of mind where we try to obtain something -- and holds far greater possibilities for success.

Kindness is also contagious: it inspires heightened generosity in your partner, enhancing things for both of you.

Finally, by turning the focus away from ourselves, the generosity mindset can help any of us who struggle with a bit of performance anxiety overcome it.

You may not believe that a divine presence exists or is involved at all. That's okay. The simple intention makes for more fireworks, because it brings your full energy and attention to the moment, to your partner, to desire and sensations and pleasingly wicked erotic thoughts.

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Remember: Some things work whether you believe in them or not. Perhaps God exists and is available even to nonbelievers. While you're experimenting in bed, whatever your spiritual condition, I dare you to add this into the mix.

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About Peggy Payne
Peggy Payne is the critically acclaimed author of the novels Cobalt Blue, Sister India (a New York Times Notable Book of the Year) and Revelation -- all of which bring to light the intersection of sex and spirituality.  Her articles and essays have appeared in The Washington Post, Family Circle, Cosmo, and More as well as most of the other major U.S. newspapers. www.peggypayne.com