THE BLOG
05/20/2016 09:57 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Let's Have A Conversation by Phil Parker

Welcome to Grandpa Does Grandma: The ABCs of Senior Sex.
www.philparker.com

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Don't wait, initiate! Sex is not about frequency it's about intensity." That's what the sexiest woman alive (according to Esquire), Halle Berry said in a 2008 issue of the Magazine.

I'm often asked, "Who should initiate sex?" It's a good question, don't you think? There is no "hard" fast rule. (no pun intended) I'm not sure why but I believe for some reason women have concluded that men should be the initiator. It must be a throw back to the "Me Tarzan, You Jane" approach. That being said, the fact that more and more women have become more aggressive in business and are holding top executive positions with the appropriate pay, it seems to me that the fairer sex should step up their game and take more of an aggressor role in their sexual endeavors.

Sex can be a close, intimate, loving encounter between partners who are unafraid of doing the things that please each other. It's not about manipulating your partner. It's understanding where he/she is coming from. If you want your sexual relationships to improve, you have to understand intimacy from your partner's perspective. Each participant must know and understand what the other wants in terms of sexual satisfaction to increase the chances of both parties getting their needs fully met. Most men are not motivated unless there is some reward. Men want to feel needed. Women are motivated when they feel cherished.

If you're a woman and the only time you had unbelievable sex was during a fast and sudden hook-up, you might be reluctant to bring that naughty energy into your long-term relationship. Often women feel that when they're involved in a long-term relationship they don't want to risk being spontaneous. All I can say is: Go For It! Or, and perhaps more appropriately, Go For Him/Her!

Engaging in sexual spontaneity doesn't mean you can't do some planning. It doesn't have to be all about intercourse. It can involve other loving acts, like kissing, caressing, erotic talk and oral delights. Be sure to have everything you need for amazing sex within your reach. Think lubricant, vibrator or Viagra, if necessary.

Often couples or partners who have enjoyed sex over the course of their relationship have developed a sexual routine. It's sort of the "man on top" syndrome. There are so many other sexual positions that you probably haven't tried for one reason or another. Experiment! You may be shocked and pleasantly surprised at the results.

Visit you local bookstore and pick up a copy of the Kama Sutra. Or, better yet, why not go to www.GrandpaDoesGrandma.com and order your personalized copy.

In many cases, I think it's the fear of being rejected that holds partners back. Often, it's waiting for the other partner to take the lead. Of course, every relationship suffers from life's interruptions and untimely disagreements or arguments. Remember: making up can lead to making out. Communication is the key to eliminating the fear of being rejected. Each participant must know, understand and be willing to do what pleases the other. To often we are afraid or unsure how to approach our partner.

In my world, Sassy Grandma is often the initiator. Is it because I'm simply irresistible or is she just Horney? I wish that were the case. The fact is, I believe that my openness, warmth and most importantly, constantly and consistently expressing my love and interest in her has translated into our physical closeness and her fearless aggressiveness. "You can't just say I Love you. You have to live I Love you" is a quote from a song by Ben Harper that says it all.

Make having more sex a way of life. Not just your way but also your partner's way. Building a great sexual relationship is a two-person challenge. Nothing is more important to the relationship than spending quality time together. When you feel good about yourself and your partner feels likewise, sexual fireworks ignite. Commit to each other in all aspects of your relationship.

Let me to leave you with one final thought: Dunkin Donuts are great after lovemaking and the white powder or crumbs that fall on your bodies present new opportunities for pleasure.

Until our next conversation, I welcome your insights and feedback.