12/20/2012 01:04 pm ET Updated May 26, 2015

How to Pretend Everything Is Still OK!

Pretending everything is OK is the only sure fired way to fool yourself into a stress free and happy life in the middle of what your actual life is right now. Sure the economy's down, times are hard and all the whining and complaining from your friends is drowning out your own whining and complaining. But with my patented Pretending System you can change your life, get your dream job, be rolling in cash and find your soul mate in seconds flat. But don't stop there! You can also change gravity, undress people with your mind and make a block of cheese your personal driver. Why? Because with pretending there is no limit! And all in the time frame of your own choosing!

My Pretending System has helped over seven million people find happiness and by that I mean a number that was actually 106. But that didn't seem very impressive so I'm pretending it was more. See? Pretending works for everyone!

How bad did things get and why do you need to pretend? Well, before we start finger pointing let's first ask what is success? Because before you can pretend to achieve it, find it and embrace it, you have to define it. Now we all know the definition of success varies widely from culture to culture. Remember when the Titanic sank it shocked the world? But wasn't the Titanic the most successful maritime disaster in history? Do you hear anyone talking about all those safe boats that have floated their whole lives without one crack and are still complete unknowns? That's right! Titanic is a household name. So take comfort in that! Way to go Titanic! Just because a situation may be labeled 'bad' it doesn't mean there isn't a way to pretend it was successful.

So let's start maximizing your pretending potential right now, because your imagination is so GREAT, and your potential so HIGH, that you actually started this article thinking it might WORK. Think of the amount of denial you already have! You'll discover the importance of denial and vagueness later in my How To Pretend Worksheets and Toolbox.

Remember YOU are all YOU need to make this successful formula work for you. What formula YOU might ask? Good question, because I've been texting a friend while you were reading this and have lost track. But remember, this isn't about precision or facts or even common sense. YOU are the winning element to a winning recipe involving YOU and only YOU to achieve success, and the last piece of the puzzle is just one magical ingredient; YOU. Now, for emphasis, I'm going to capitalize YOU again possibly even repeat YOU one more time. And there is a chance that even one more YOU will be there. There it is.

Success isn't about how much money you have, or the size of your home, the number of cars in your fleet, guns in your secret pretend walls, sheep cloning facilities you illegally support, or robot to dog conscious transfer loops you have successfully achieved.

Success is all about how you feel about yourself. Right? And if you can pretend everything's still OK, then by God, that's more than I can do. But remember once you have pretended everything is still OK -- you've only won half the battle! The big question when fighting half the battle is:"Why are you fighting at all?" I'll tell you. Because you've taken a side. As you learn to work with our denial and vagueness techniques you'll see you won't have to take sides, or even enter the fight at all! Why? Because denial is always a win/win if you assume the second 'win' doesn't make any sense in that formula. Remember my fighting rule; once half the battle is over, it's time to run because there's still plenty of fighting going on!

Take heart! Start my patented Pretending System today and start your first steps towards a brighter future which may last as long as ten minutes if you've let things get really bad, or if you're a starter-pretender you could have years of organized and planned cluelessness ahead of you!