THE BLOG
08/24/2015 05:39 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Loneliness vs. Aloneness: What's the Difference?

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Loneliness is a lack, a feeling that something is missing, a pain, a depression, a need, an incompleteness, an absence.

Aloneness is presence, fullness, aliveness, joy of being, overflowing love. You are complete. Nobody is needed, you are enough.

Love makes you complete. In true relationships you share with each other, not out of need, rather from your overflowing energy.

Relationships do not cause pain and unhappiness. They bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you.

Two lonely people who come together don't feel the loneliness so much because somebody else is there.They remain lonely but somehow deceive themselves with the illusion that their void is filled. When two lonely people come together their loneliness multiplies.

Real love is not a search to combat loneliness. Real love is to transform loneliness into aloneness, to help the other. If you love a person, you help that person experience the completeness of aloneness. You don't try to fill them up and complete them by your presence. You want them to not be in need of you.

When a person is totally free, then out of that freedom, sharing is possible. You give, not as a need, not as a bargain, but because you are overflowing with love.

The struggle in relationships is based in the fact that everybody needs freedom.

Love allows and strengthens freedom. Love and freedom are two wings of the same bird. All growth needs love, but unconditional love. If love has conditions, then no-one can grow and there is continuous conflict.

Love unconditionally and don't ask anything in return. Much comes back on its own - don't be a beggar. Be an emperor. Just give and see what happens: a thousandfold love comes back to you. Recognize and receive it. Love treats you as an end unto yourself. Don't get hooked into expectations. Love as a sharing, not as a need.

True love gives you freedom. Never settle for less.

Meditation and love are the two ways to attain to the bliss of aloneness, the freedom to be utterly yourself. Both are deeply related. In fact, they are two aspects of the same coin. When you meditate, sooner or later you come upon love, you start feeling a tremendous love arising in you, a new quality to your being, a new door opening. You want to share.

When you love deeply, whether it's a child, a pet, a spouse, a friend, by and by you become aware that your love is becoming more and more meditative. A subtle quality of silence is entering in you. You are touching your own depth.

Love makes you meditative. Meditation makes you loving. Both bring you inner peace, joy and wisdom. Both make you an attractor of goodness to your life.

How do you transform loneliness?

You cannot fight with darkness directly, with loneliness directly, with the fear of isolation directly. The reason is that all these things do not exist; they are simply absences of something, just as darkness is the absence of light. How do you bring light to a dark room? You switch on the light!

Put your attention, energy and focus on love! Love is the solution. Love heals pain and fear, dispels darkness and neediness, and brings a new rhythm of sweetness, peace, and joy, to you. You become centered in your aloneness.

This does not mean, now you are complete in yourself, that you cannot have friends and be in intimate relationships. In fact, all your relationships are enhanced as you have so much to give and share.You give out of your fullness, and giving multiplies your joy.

Look to see if anything you are facing as a problem is a negative or a positive thing. If it is negative, don't fight with it. Just look for the positive in it and you will be at the right doorway. Look at the problem. Is it an absence of something? And the truth is that all your problems are the absence of something. Once you have found what they are, then go after the positive.

The moment you find the positive you have found the light, and the darkness is gone.

What are your thoughts and/or experiences with loneliness and aloneness?

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Pragito Dove M.A., is a contemporary thought leader, master trainer in personal development, meditation expert and hypnotherapist who empowers people to free themselves of pain, suffering, and self-limiting beliefs. A best-selling author in seven languages, she is dedicated to re-igniting purpose, passion, and abundance in people's lives. www.discovermeditation.com