08/04/2014 04:27 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

What Is the Toughest Thing About Being Gay?

This question originally appeared on Quora: What is the hardest thing about being gay?
Answer by Dan Holliday,

  1. Reading some published work by a "Christian" minister telling people that what I feel for my boyfriend, partner, lover, and best friend (all rolled into one) isn't really love.  It's a cheap facsimile of what heterosexual couples feel, and I've created to rebel against their randomly selected deity.  Because of this, my love should not legally be accepted because their god's law exists above our laws and our leaders should just accept that and enforce that truth on all people.  [even though we're a secular republic and stuff]
  2. That there is a massive minority of people who actually agree with the above statements and who use words like "degenerate" and "filth" to describe the joy, passion, growth and challenge that I've experienced loving Rick, caring for Rick and having Rick care for me.
  3. That one of us could fall ill at any time and have douchebags in our family make the other's life unbearable by preventing visitations in the hospital.  Upon death, those same douchebags could drive the other to mental destruction by preventing him from being a part of the grieving process.  Thankfully -- on my side of the family -- I have a loving but passively homophobic father who (if he chose to do so) could NEVER stand up to my very accepting (and loving) siblings, step-mother and aunt.  I benefit from no such individuals on his side of our lives.  That scares me horribly.  It actually keeps me up at night thinking about what I'd do if he were in the hospital and I couldn't visit him and tell him (if the worst happened) that I'd love him until I died.  It scares me that I couldn't be there to help him to feel a bit of comfort as I eased him out of this existence.    I try to make up for it now.  I try to imprint upon him how much I love him.  I try to remind him frequently of that fact in the hopes that if it ever happened, that there'd be a reservoir of my emotions stored somewhere to carry him through that time but I know that it doesn't work like that.  So, I just have to hope for one of two bests:  (a) that it never happens or (b) that laws to protect our relationship come to pass before then.

Sadly, all of this (the above three points) aren't brought about by atheists, anarchists, or some other group.  It's brought about by one identity group:  Conservative Christians.  There might be wings of Islam in that group or conservative Jews in there too.  But the people who follow this one guy who preached love at all costs . . . they spread hatred and want laws to enshrine that hatred for me.  Odd that we do not return any of that favor.

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