THE BLOG
04/13/2011 07:32 pm ET Updated Jun 13, 2011

We're Getting Divorced But Still Having Sex

"My ex husband and I have been separated for eight months, " began the email we recently received.

"He was unfaithful -- more than once. Eventually, I put myself -- and our two kids -- first," this new single mom went on. "I filed for divorce."

A few days after filing the papers, however, her ex -- who has a new girlfriend -- called her up and asked her to have sex. At first, she said, "No." (Sure, we wish she'd stuck with her first answer.)

Unfortunately, her ex went on to tell her everything she wanted to hear. And she said, "Yes."

This single mom hoped that sex with her ex might be the start of a reconciliation. She admitted that deep down she knew that their relationship had no chance -- but still, she had hopes.

Despite the fact that many women -- like this single mom -- have filed for divorce, accepting that your marriage is over isn't easy.

Unless you've been in a similar situation, you might be thinking:

  • I feel sorry for any woman who sleeps with her soon-to-be ex-husband!
  • Doesn't she realize that she's being used?
  • When will this woman decide to put her children first?

That said, you won't hear any harsh judgments from us.

In fact, one of our single mom friends at Singlemommyhood, the site we co-founded, shared some advice with us that we'll never forget: "Don't go back for more where there is only less."

We understand that many of you have gone back.

If you've "been there" (count us in), you've experienced first hand the confusion and pain that inevitably accompanies sex with your ex. We also know what it's like to judge ourselves harshly.

No one should tell you with whom to share your bed -- or your heart. We will say, however, that this set-up typically works better for your ex than you.


It doesn't take much to go back and sleep with an ex, does it? Have you ever done that? Been there?

If you've experienced the hellish ups and downs of sex with your ex ... What finally convinced you to stop having sex with your ex?

What advice can you offer to help this single mom move ahead?