12/31/2013 02:34 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Happy New Year 2014 -- Let's SELF-A-BRATE!

Yup -- you'd be in complete SELF-denial if you didn't acknowledge that this is that wonderfully SELF-less time of year. That time of year when we are all trying to be more SELF-aware of those less fortunate than our SELF-important SELVES, on the subways, on the streets, and on our charity contribution checklist. It's that time of year when
  • we're all trying to balance SELF-indulgence in chocolates and champagne with SELF control and New Year's resolutions;
  • we're all wobbling between our SELF-absorbed slices of me, mySELF and I;
  • we're all struggling to make sense of the SELF-satisfied world;
  • we're talking up our SELF-esteem; talking down our SELF-centered selves.

And yes, we can be SELF-sufficient on simple things like watching the sunset, stopping to smell a Christmas fir tree, or talking to a homeless person.

And yes, we swell with SELF-respect, remembering our American heritage, declaring our SELF-independence, holding "these truths to be SELF-evident, that all men are created equal," that all men shop at Barney's and all women look like Beyonce. We squash our SELF-absorbed selves, denying the gobs of SELF-serving egos, ids and I-pads.

We tend to be SELF-deprecating, making fun of our weak will powers, sharing SELF-destructive stories of less SELF-discipline, more SELF-doubt; less Zumba, more apple cobbler. After all, let's bring on those SELF-proclaimed, SELF-fulfilling prophecies like "the more shellfish you eat, the more selfish you'll get..." and order a plate of mussels, crab claws and lobster tails.

So, as we ring in 2014, let's get SELF-Righteous, right down to the nitty gritty.
My own New Year's Resolution? To thine own SELF be true. Take a SELFie.