I'm a spiritual medium; I receive and pass on messages and profound insights from the spirit world to the everyday world. Believe it or not, the dead have a lot of relationship advice for the living. And when you think about it, why wouldn't they? They've already been through it, and after learning from their mistakes and having the ability to now see things from a much broader, beyond-the-grave perspective, they understand what does and doesn't work...and why.
In daily meditation, I'm often shown a mountaintop as the ultimate "perch" for happy and healthy couples to land. On this higher ground, above the chaos, stress, misunderstandings, blame and judgment that romantic partners often get sucked into, life is calm, quiet and peaceful. Sounds pretty good, doesn't it? So, the question is: how do you elevate your relationship to the mountaintop? Here are some ways to help you connect with the wisdom of the other side and become completely engaged and fulfilled in your life, including your romantic relationships.
1. Be Your Own Energy Supply. When you get down to it, the living and the dead aren't that different - both are energetic forms (our energy is contained in a body while spirits are free to roam around). Romantic relationships involve an exchange of that energy, so when you rely on another person to lift and fill you up, you create unrealistic and unfair expectations that inevitably drain your partner and often dissolve the relationship. We must each plug into our own infinite and unlimited energy supply - our spirit within - rather than depending on another person to fulfill us.
Advice from the other side: Each day, schedule alone time where you do something that lights and lifts you up, such as meditating, attending a yoga class, taking a walk outdoors or enjoying a healthy meal. When you take time to plug in and fill your own energy reserves, you won't feel the need to rely on other people to give you a charge, and you'll also have more love to give.
2. Make couple timeTurn off your cell phone, get off Facebook and give your partner your undivided attention. What I hear from the spirit world time and time again is that the whole point of the human experience is to give and receive love (truly, that's it!), and our romantic relationships allow us to practice and perfect this fulfilling exchange of positive energy.
Advice from the other side: Set aside a window of time each day (just 20 minutes works wonders!) where you and your partner can sit free of distractions and energetically "connect." Simply holding hands or giving each other a foot massage are activities that allow for an exchange love.
3. Speak freely. Become mindful of the words you use and choose expressions of loving kindness. It may sound cliché, but spirits routinely express deep regret and sorrow for withholding love from their romantic partners in life. In nearly every reading I do, spirits plead with me to say what they didn't say when they had the chance: I love you.
Advice from the other side: Speak words of loving kindness. Give your partner or spouse at least one compliment a day.
4. Give special gifts. In addition to expressing love through words, give your partner physical gifts of love and affection. This isn't about being materialistic; rather, this practice encourages giving meaningful gifts that communicate authentic feelings of love. In readings, spirits will often reference special gifts - jewelry, clothing, art - that they gave to their partner in life to validate that even in death, they're still present in their lives.
Advice from the other side: From time to time, give your partner a gift that represents true feelings of love. Remember, the monetary value is not important. The most valuable gifts are the ones that hold special meaning.
5. Be of service. When you set the intention every day to be of service to your partner, not only will your relationship experience a boost, but also your spirit receives a promotion. What spirits consistently communicate is that a significant part of our life's work, or divine purpose, is to selflessly serve the people in our lives. It advances our spiritual growth, and it just feels good.
Advice from the other side: Make a list of things your partner may need help with and do them before being asked. Take out the trash, empty the dishwasher or make a run to the grocery store. Selfless service is the best foreplay!
6. Recharge your energy. In romantic partnerships it's easy to get lazy, where at different points one person might stop giving at the rate they're receiving. When one person's energy begins to drain another's, this creates an imbalance that can upset, and sometimes break up, the relationship. Relationships thrive between two equals who act as healthy counterbalance to each other.
Advice from the other side: Encourage your partner to schedule "me" time, and support the activities that fill him or her up (even if they don't do the same for you). This goes back to Step 1: Be your own energy supply, where we must each plug into our spirit within to recharge our own energy reserves. We have nothing to give to our partner when we're running on empty.
7. Step back. When our partner struggles, it's tempting to want to take away the pain or fix the problem, but we must step back. Over the years, what spirit has shown me is that each of our struggles is disguised as significant life lessons that challenge us to spiritually grow. We may have the best intentions, but when we interfere in our partner's learning process, the purpose of the experience is defeated.
Advice from the other side: If your partner is experiencing challenging times, simply listen to their fears and frustrations without judgment. Stay present with them as they work through their struggle, reminding them that they are loved and supported by you.
8. Recognize yourself. Make no mistake. We couple with people who serve as mirrors to us. What you recognize in your partner - both the positive and negative traits - is often a reflection of how we view ourselves. In this way, our romantic relationships help us know ourselves more deeply and can spark big-time spiritual growth.
Advice from the other side: If you're feeling frustrated or disappointed with your partner, instead of pointing a finger of blame, turn the attention back on yourself and then, lead by example. Be the best "you" that you can be!
9. Maintain balance. Spirits are constantly reminding me how important it is to maintain a mind/body/spirit balance. Only when we're energetically in "alignment" can we be our best selves and give and receive positive, loving energy freely.
Advice from the other side: Engage in activities separately and together that feed and your mind, body and spirit. Take a class together (mind), do yoga together (body), pray/meditate together (spirit). When you connect as a couple on all three levels, your relationship will feel deeply satisfying and fulfilling.
Rebecca Rosen is the author of the new book "Awaken the Spirit Within: 10 Steps to Ignite Your Life and Fulfill Your Divine Purpose."