To Whom it May Concern at the Eponymous Institution of B'Oréal:
We received your very strongly worded e-mail, asking us to take down our story, "B'Oréal Launches Line of Anti-Bullying Makeup for Young Girls" -- an article that was clearly written based on very real events, in accordance with the factual nature of our site and everything printed within it.
Your email explained that bullying is a very serious issue with which your brand would prefer not to be associated. How ironic that you are using that logic to silence our freedom of speech, and censor our voices as women. As a popular makeup brand, it's astounding to us that you would want to silence women. That's a pretty bad PR move for a popular U.S. cosmetics brand.
But here's where this gets serious -- we will not remove references to B'Oréal from our website and story. We will not cave to unfounded corporate pressures. We will keep using the name B'Oréal in the story, a story that is starting to feel even closer to real than it already was -- a hard thing to accomplish when it was already an accurate news story.
As a popular U.S. cosmetics brand, it is clear that you've used your power to bully us. Just remember: corporations are people, and you are not being a very nice person. Millions of young girls are bullied everyday, and it is a shame that you are acting like the popular girl in the cafeteria, trying to intimidate us and convince us of the wrongness of our innocent actions. You've triggered a lot of emotional issues in our staff, many of whom looked up to you. We've had to take large blocks of our workday to process the emotional damage.
How would you like it if you were bullied? What if we made fun of your name? B'Oréal is a pretty stupid name. It sounds like a boring mermaid. That hurts doesn't it? Now imagine if someone with way more money and power than you said that. It's hard to imagine, because you have so much of both.
There is no way you can undo the damage that you have done, but you can at least say you're sorry. And send us some free product for which we are happy to give a glowing review if you choose to send it to us.
The Editors of Reductress