THE BLOG
03/31/2015 11:14 am ET Updated May 31, 2015

The 33 Cushiest Jobs in Advertising

Every year Business Insider puts out a list of the 37 Wealthiest People in Advertising.

Some years, it's 35.

Others, it's 38.

The number doesn't matter, the obscene truckloads of cash is what matters.

Lately, I've noticed some PR-leery big wigs are shying away from the list and choosing not to lay their cocks on the table top for all the world to see. Maybe it occurred to these tone-deaf fat cats that some Assistant Account Executive who hasn't had a raise or seen a Christmas bonus in 7 years might be reading about their piggish salaries and start asking questions.

I know I have questions.

Namely, what the fuck do these people do?

I've been in this business for 30 years. But Rich, you're 44, did you skip 10th grade and go directly into copywriting? Let's not get bogged down by arithmetic and the gyrations of the sun and Earth.

The point is, I know how an ad agency works.

There are many moving parts. The Creative Department, the Account Management Department, the Broadcast Production Department, the Operations people and of course, the always expanding, always shape shifting Media Department.

I also have a general idea of how the departments interact with each other to gestate campaigns, bring them to the unsuspecting public and steward a brand towards mediocrity.

What I don't understand are the people who have escaped the trenches, who no longer deal with the day-to-day insanity and haven't sat in a status meeting since 1998. These are the people on the Business  Insider List. They have long titles that usually include one or more of the following words:

Global

Regional

Experiential

Innovation

International

I know this is where those titles get generated.

I know how much money they're making in terms of salary, stock options and various "performance" -- based bonuses.

I know where they sit on the plane, regardless if the flight is less than 6 hours and does not cross international borders.

I know their yachts.

Their favorite Rose.

And the opulent hotels they stay at while in Cannes.

I also know these are not the people fielding phone calls from angry clients because the car in the commercial was Jet Black and not Onyx Black.

Or lugging foam core boards to the 7 AM pitch in Cincinatti for the prestigious Southern Ohio Hardee's Franchisees.

Or sitting in on a focus group, eating wet tuna fish sandwiches while watching a group of over-animated Houston housewives decimate six, long, hard fought, weekend-less months of creative development.

I know so much about these folks.

What I don't know and what I'd still like to know is...

...what the fuck do these people do?

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