06/25/2006 10:36 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

June 26 News Update

Republicans say Democrats want to "cut and run." Sen. Kerry says Republicans' policy is "lie and die." Debate comes off as Dumb and Dumber.

Iraqi government proposing plan for withdrawal of US forces and amnesty for insurgents. White House wants to know how to say "cut and run" in Arabic.

Top American General in Iraq planning for sharp reduction in US forces by end of year, starting in September. What a coincidence -- right before the mid-term elections!

Oil company executives claim gas is still "inexpensive." If you make as much money as oil company executives, yachts are inexpensive.

President of Shell Oil Co. says drive for US energy independence goes too far. Spoken like a true American who works for a British/Dutch company.

GAO reports FEMA lost up to $1.2 billion in waste and fraud after hurricane Katrina. Heck, that's just walking-around money compared to waste and fraud at the Pentagon.

Elsewhere in the Waste Department, House votes itself a pay raise. Meanwhile, Senate rejects increase in minimum wage. Congress then goes on summer vacation. Will anybody notice?

For really serious legislative action, look to Massachusetts, where a State Senator is introducing a bill to prevent flutternutter sandwiches (peanut butter and marshmallow) to be served in schools. One of the more pressing issues of our times.

Congressional Republicans hold up renewal of Voting Rights Act. They leave Emancipation Proclamation alone.

Sen. Rick Santorum still insisting there are WMDs in Iraq. Now there's a clever re-election strategy.

Public approval rating for Congress at 20%. Still higher than VP Cheney's.

US loses in first round of World Cup. Craig Ferguson observes we can now stop pretending we care about soccer.

NHL championship decided this week. Quick -- who won? Didn't think so.

U.S. Episcopal Church names woman as its head, also votes to curb openly gay bishops. One outta two ain't bad.

Pentagon document classifies homosexuality as mental disorder. Luckily, military technology not as antiquated as military thinking.

US debates destroying North Korean missile on ground before launch. That way we won't be embarrassed when we fail to shoot it down in flight.

Sirius satellite radio planning Catholic Church channel. Does that mean Howard Stern has promised not to do any jokes about Papal Flatulence?

Nestle buys Jenny Craig. Kit Kat vs. Kirstie?

New York Times runs three-column color picture off-lead above the fold on.....mixed martial arts! Has Rupert Murdoch secretly bought the NYT?

CBS dumps Dan Rather. Classless Broadcasting System.

Connie Chung croons -- croaks? -- "Thanks for the Memories" as her show with husband Maury Povich is canceled. Wants to show she can out-schlock spouse? Paternity test needed?