06/09/2010 10:25 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

June 27, 2010, News Update

President Obama, elected in part because of his "cool," now being criticized for being too cool about BP oil spill. As a rule, a man's a fool, when it's hot he wants it cool, when it's cool he wants it hot, always wanting what it's not.

Memo to Self: Enough of oil "spill" or oil "leak." It's a gusher.

In obvious response to criticism that he hasn't shown enough anger over Gulf oil crisis, Obama says he's "furious" about situation, but his job is not to yell at people, but to try to solve problem. To prove it, he told Malia he would plug the damn hole.

In likewise response to criticism, Obama makes third visit to region, including Grand Isle, now known as Grand Oil.

Fox Noise criticizes his attire as "fancy pants" and "fancy shirt." So, how about a wet suit next time, Mr. President?

Obama criticizes BP for spending millions on trying to "manage its image" when money could be better spent on helping victims of gusher. Media see it differently.

Obama also criticizes BP for issuing millions in dividends when money could be better spent on helping victims. Shareholders see it differently.

Should have criticized BP for using "riskier" (read: cheaper) cement casing for well.
Casing leaked, causing blast. Guess who installed casing? Our old friend Halliburton, the same Halliburton once headed by Dick Cheney and which overcharged the Pentagon (i.e. us taxpayers) by more than $1 Billion (with a "b") in Iraq. I smell lawsuit.

Interior Department boots Elizabeth Birnbaum, Director of the Mineral Management Service, which plays key role in approving offshore drilling. Guess you weren't doing "a heckuva job," Birnie.

MMS, center of sex-and-drugs scandal in 2008, known for coziness with oil industry during Bush years. Sheesh, aren't there any regulators who do their jobs in Washington?

Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour says major problem with oil gusher is "overblown" media coverage, which is scaring away tourists. Yeah Media, quitchyur overblowing. You been covering this damned thing for 49 straight days now. Enough already. The Mississippi Coast Coliseum Summer Fair begins June 10. Y'all coming down for that, Katie... Brian... Diane?

Media constantly showing pictures of oil-soaked pelicans to demonstrate severity of crisis. How about all those people who've lost their livelihood?

In effort to stop gusher, BP tried using diamond-encrusted saw to cut pipe. BP used that kind of saw because, like a diamond, "this oil spill is forever." (Steven Colbert).

BP Chairman Tony Hayward says he will not resign because of Gulf crisis. It may not be his decision.

Employment figures rose slightly in May, but most of that due to hiring of temporary workers for Census 2010. Now if there were only some way to get India to outsource its next census to the U.S.

In South Carolina, Nikki Haley, a Sikh, is leading in race for Governor, despite allegations she had two affairs while married and despite opposition of State Sen. Jake Knotts. Knotts said "We already got one raghead in the White House, we don't need another one in the Governor's Mansion." Knotts later claimed he was just trying to be humorous during a radio interview in a bar. Memo to Knotts: Bar not usually good place to give interviews.

Local elections on tap this week. In Alabama, gubernatorial candidate Bradley Byrne, former chancellor of the state community college system, "accused" by True Republican PAC of supporting the teaching of evolution. Byrne denied the "charges." What Alabama needs is another good Scopes Trial, a la Tennessee in 1925.

Al and Tipper Gore announce they're getting divorce after 40 years of marriage. Friends shocked. Maybe Tipper just tired of all that babbling about climate change.

In Sports News: New York awarded 2014 Super Bowl. Aaahhh, New York in January. Can't wait. But it will make history - First Super Bowl played in snowstorm. Or maybe NFL is counting on Congress continuing to ignore global warming.

Detroit pitcher Armando Gallaraga pitches perfect game... sort of.

Umpire blows call, calls 27th batter safe at first when replay shows him clearly out.

Commissioner Bud Selig refused to overrule call. That's why they call him "No Balls Bud." When is Major League Baseball going to get a real commissioner?

So Gallaraga doesn't get Perfect Game or even Perfect Game with asterisk in record books. But he does get a new Corvette, courtesy of GM. Ford was going to give him a Mercury... but decided to scrap the brand instead.

Why doesn't MLB have instant replay like NFL? Stupidity? Hidebound tradition? Stupidity? Inertia? Stupidity? All of the above.

So NFL has instant replay but monumentally stupid process for ending overtime games, while MLB has surefire way to end extra innings games but stupidly ignores technology. How about swapping Commissioners?

Old baseball joke: The Devil challenges The Lord to a baseball game. The Lord gladly accepts, saying, "We'll kill you... We have all the great players up here... Babe Ruth, Ted Williams, Willy Mays..." "Yeah," says The Devil, "But we have all the umpires."