03/21/2011 05:33 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

March 21, 2011, News Update


Congress passes 6th stop-gap spending measure to avert government shutdown. We can now amend the Pledge of Allegiance to read, "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the Banana Republic for which it stands....."

Newsweek Magazine gives 1,000 Americans chosen at random the US citizenship test. 38% failed. See above.

United Nations establishes no-fly zone over Libya. Dithering ends. President Obama warns Gaddafi not to use military force against civilians. More dithering ends. Gaddafi says Libya will wage "long, glorious war." Whither dithering?

Gaddafi announces cease-fire, but his loyalists attack rebel stronghold of Benghazi. Something lost in translation?

President Obama goes 29-3 in March Madness bracket picks. So why can't he balance the budget?
Picks Kansas to win it all. Will that help in 2012?

Conservative columnists and bloggers criticize Obama for taking time to make bracket picks in face of more pressing global issues. They're just mad because he's winning their office pool. Besides, if Obama walked on water, Conservatives would criticize him for not being able to swim.

If you want to criticize the president for his time management, take a look at his Op-Ed piece in the New York Times promoting more gun control. Hah! Now that's really a waste of time. They're still laughing over at the NRA.

Former Manhattan Borough President and New York City Council President Andrew Stein convicted of evading $1Million in taxes, but gets community service instead of jail time. Judge apparently determined Stein had already been punished enough by having dated Ann Coulter.

General Motors reports $4.7 Billion profit for 2010, its first since 2004. So where are all those Republican critics of Obama's bailout of the auto industry now?

TV Station in Providence, RI, replaces local news with infomercials. Other stations might do well to do the same.

Despite playing in basketball championship tournament, Bringham Young University suspends star center for violating school's honor code by having sex with girlfriend.....How did they find out? If other schools followed suit, Sweet Sixteen would be Sour Zero.

Bad Taste Department
Israelis fret that disaster in Japan will cause shortage of sushi.

Worse Taste Department
Rush Limbaugh mocks Japanese for continuing to re-cycle during disaster. (Full Disclosure: Limbaugh is frequent contributor to this department).

Want latest news about Charlie Sheen? Look elsewhere!