05/22/2010 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

March 22, 2010 News Update Updated

Health Care Reform Bill passes. President Obama wins major victory. Big Deal. What about suffering major setback by picking Kansas to win NCAA tournament, turning back on Northern Iowa, state whose primary victory propelled him to victory? What an ingrate!

Besides, why pick Kansas instead of Kentucky? If he had picked Kentucky, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (Rep.-Ky) is stupid enough to think he might not be such a bad guy after all. Nah..

To win support of anti-abortion House Democrats, Obama says he'll issue executive order limiting federal funds for abortion. Catholic nuns support health care bill in defiance of Catholic bishops. Guess we won't be seeing any female Catholic bishops anytime soon.

Cynics suggest Obama would have had easier time getting approval for health care reform if he had included provision legalizing guns in hospitals.

But Rahm Emanuel's lobbying in the nude apparently effective. Maybe being a prick works.

Now that bill has passed, will Rush Limbaugh really move to Costa Rica? Not if Costa Rica has anything to say about it.

Starbucks declines to prohibit customers from openly carrying guns into coffee shops in states where that's allowed. Let's hope they serve only decaffeinated coffee to those folks. New item on menu: Grande Latte :45.

Pope Benedicts castigates Irish Catholic Church because of pederast scandal (so what's new) but nobody fired. Scandal rocks German Catholic Church as well, perhaps implicating Pope himself. Would Benedict XVI become first Pope to resign? He'll die first.

United States, Europe, what's next for Catholic Church... South America? Asia? Africa? Australia? Sure bet, not Antarctica... On the other hand, I'm not sure about those penguins.

Conservatives on Texas Board of Education approve revisions to textbooks on social studies and political science reflecting Neanderthal view of history. One example: Illegal Mexican immigrants were responsible for winning Battle of the Alamo.

Principal advisers to TBOE were Karl Rove and Dick Cheney, who are experts in revisionist history.

George W. Bush said to be writing book about making difficult decisions as President. Jay Leno says book will have two chapters: Heads and Tails.

St. Patrick's Day observed, honoring Roman Catholic prelate who supposedly drove all snakes out of Ireland. We could use somebody like that in Washington DC.

Seventh anniversary of invasion of Iraq observed. War has cost almost three quarters of a trillion dollars, thousands dead, thousands wounded, thousands of lives irretrievably ruined... for what? To satisfy the hubris and arrogance of a bunch of draft-dodging middle-aged white guys.

Attorney General Eric Porter tells Congressional hearing Osama bin Laden will never appear in an American courtroom, saying we will be reading Miranda rights to his corpse. Miranda rights for Osama bin Laden? If you want to lose all support for your anti-terrorist policies, Mr. Porter, that's the way to do it. If captured, what about releasing him on his own recognizance? Sheesh, to put it mildly.

American woman billing herself as Jihad Jane accused of plotting to kill Swedish man. How long before enterprising Muslim entrepreneur comes up with Jihad Jane and Jihad Joe dolls?

ABC News acknowledges paying $200k to Casey Anthony, accused of murdering her 2-year-old daughter, but says it was not for getting interview with her, it was not checkbook journalism. Of course it wasn't. Why would a network that has just laid off 300-400 people from its news division pay $200k for an interview?

CNN hires Erick Erickson (Erick the Red), ultra-right-wing red neck commentator for John King show. Erick, who once called Supreme Court Justice Souter a goat-f***ing child molester, makes Glenn Beck look sane. Memo to CNN: Hard as you might try, you can't outfox Fox... Good-bye to "Most Trusted Name in News" label.

Christine Amanapour leaves CNN for ABC News. You're on a roll, CNN-all downhill.

Education Secretary Arne Duncan has proposed that the NCAA ban any college team from tournament play if it does not graduate at least 40% (not even half) of its players. Twelve teams in this year's tournament, including Kentucky, would not qualify under this rule. Maryland has a "student-athlete" graduation rate of 8%.

Remember Coach John Thompson of Georgetown, an institution once renowned for its academic standing? He didn't care if his players could read or write as long as they could dunk.

Seton Hall fires basketball coach Bobby Gonzalez, citing as one of the reasons the "character" of the players he recruited during last four years. Perhaps like two "student-athletes" just arrested on charges of kidnapping, robbery and gun possession. By the way, they were 23 and 27-just college kids on a lark, dontcha know.

Tiger Woods planning to return to golf in the Masters Tournament this year. Golf observers note he'll have an enhanced respect for the 9-iron.

Sandra Bullock wins Oscar for Best Actress, then finds out husband been dipping stripper with lots of tattoos. Maybe she would have been better off getting tattoo of the Oscar.