04/09/2009 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

March 9, 2009 News Update

President Obama announces details of Making Homes Affordable plan to forestall home foreclosures. Rick Santelli of CNBC calls it the Deadbeats Bill. But does poor imitation of Jim Cramer.

Obama gives pep talk on economy, says now's a good time to buy stocks. Sure. He knows he's got a job for the next four years.

Some Republican Governors reject stimulus package aid for the unemployed. Sure. They know they've got a job until they're indicted.

President rescinds Bush administration restraints on stem cell research. Science making a comeback against Neanderthal views of past 8 years.

Obama already going gray. Managing two wars, deep financial crisis, mother-in-law in White House. It's no wonder.

Michelle Obama goes sleeveless, New York Times obsesses. But NRA immediately comes to her defense, saying she has the right to bare arms.

Unemployment rate hits 8.1%. Bush 41 was George Herbert Walker Bush. Bush 43 is George Herbert Hoover Bush.

Obama's have swing set installed on White House grounds for Sasha and Malia. Bush looking forward to returning to White House to try it out.

British Prime Minister Gordon Brown visits White House. British press carps about gifts he got from Obama. Say, chaps, perhaps you aren't aware of the economic situation here in the colonies. Brown was lucky to get anything at all.

Brown refers to "economic hurricane" in speech to Congress. Does that mean things are getting better since Alan Greenspan referred to a "financial tsunami?"

RNC Chairman Michael Steele calls Rush Limbaugh an "entertainer" with a show that's "incendiary" and "ugly." Apologizes next day. More wimpy than steely.

Democrats pour fuel on fire of Republican disarray by labeling Limbaugh "de facto" head of GOP. Limbaugh says he would not want to be the head of such a "sad-sack" party. At least he got something right.

Limbaugh challenges Obama to a debate. You wanna debate with Barack, Rush? Well, listen up. You run for President in 2012, win the Republican nomination, and Bingo! You got your debate.

Ever wonder why Limbaugh doesn't have his own show on TV? I mean, if Larry King can make the transition from radio to TV, anybody can.

U2 appears on Letterman Show every night for a week. This could be their big break.

Mega-swindler Bernard Madoff said to be in plea bargain deal with prosecutors. If prosecutors are as stupid as judges who allowed him to stay out of jail, Bernie might end up retiring to his Florida mansion.

Madoff says wife should be allowed to keep $70 million of assets in her name because they're unrelated to fraud charges against him. Besides, she earned every penny of that money with her Sunday bake sales at the Palm Beach Country Club.

Holocaust survivor Elie Weisel, whose foundation did not survive the Madoff scam, says Madoff should be sentenced to prison and put in a cell where videos of his victims are shown 24/7. Or a cell where Barry Manilow and Kenny G. tapes are played 24/7.

Sam Donaldson, the Jim Cramer of TV news whose claim to fame was shouting at presidents, has retired from ABC. Afraid to shout at Obama?

Founder of Islamic TV station in upstate New York accused of beheading wife. Defense lawyers to argue he's innocent by reason of amnesia. Forgot he wasn't in Pakistan.

Manny Ramirez signs $45 million two-year deal with LA Dodgers. Albert Haynesworth signs $100 seven-year deal with Washington Redskins. Recession? What recession?

Barbie doll celebrates 50th birthday, gets tattoo. Is this the end of civilization as we know it?