08/07/2005 04:27 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

News of the Week in Review

President Bush endorses "intelligent design" theory of human evolution. Just some wishful thinking on his part.

Coincidentally, The History Channel is running a documentary entitled "Ape to Man." Will Ken Tomlinson order an investigation into "liberal bias"?

U.S. Military deaths surpass 1800 in Iraq. Is anybody paying attention?

Bush nears record for vacation time for a U.S. President. No Comment.

The President appears vindicated by his appointment of John Bolton as US Ambassador to the UN. He's been there a whole week and hasn't said anything stupid in public.

Sen. George Voinovich, a Republican who opposed Bolton's nomination, has sent him a book about "the art of effective management." How about dropping a copy in the mail to the White House, Senator?

King Fahd of Saudi Arabia dies at 84, is replaced by Crown Prince Abdullah, 80. Who do these people think they are, Mormons?

Fahd's death sent oil prices to a new high. Meanwhile, coffee prices dropped. Too bad nobody makes a car that runs on caffeine.

Baseball slugger Rafael Palmieri suspended for 10 days for using steroids after swearing to Congress that he didn't use them. Maybe he can serve out his suspension as a White House spokesman.

Lachlan Murdoch, in line to run the News Corp. empire, ups and quits and returns Down Under. Perhaps he just got tired of hearing people say that The New York Post is published as a daily challenge to the First Amendment.

Martha Stewart sentenced to three more weeks of house arrest. Caught dumping her soup stock again?

Former President Carter blasts Guantanamo Bay, criticizes War in Iraq. Hey, Jimmy, you already got a Nobel Prize for opposing the war. You can't get another one. By the way, remind us how you kicked ass in Iran.

Female teacher at prestigious Catholic school in upstate New York is accused of having sex with male students. How did she get to them before the priests did?

Robert "No Facts" Novak utters a barnyard profanity and walks off a TV talk show while it's on the air. Maybe he just went to take a leak.