11/10/2008 12:46 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Nov. 10 News Update -- Election Edition


Barack Obama Wins. Hooray for US -A!

Have we overcome? Not gay people.

Obama win represents number of "firsts." First first-term Senator to win, first former community organizer (Take that, Rudy Giuliani), first man to have middle name "Hussein," first man to defeat first serious female candidate for President, first man with father born in Kenya, first person born in Hawaii...oh yeah, first black...or, as Silvio Berlusconi might say, first "tanned."

How about Obama as a KKK kind of guy? Kennedy, King, Kool

Obama delivers eloquent acceptance speech. But what the hell was Michelle wearing? Time for DNC to invest in $150,000 wardrobe?

Obama ponders cabinet choices-but first priority is what kind of puppy daughters will get.

Second priority: Naming Joe Lieberman Ambassador to Outer Mongolia.

Stock market suffers worst decline since 1987 in two days following election. No honeymoon on Wall Street.

John McCain defeated by George W. Bush in 2000. John McCain defeated by George W. Bush again in 2008.

At 72, McCain just couldn't maintain an election.

Republican campaign sleaze-Rev. Wright, William Ayers, sex education for tots, Muslim, palling with terrorists, socialist, elitist, anti-Israel, anti-American-no match for common sense of American electorate.

New York Post headline: "Ayers Caught Voting." The nerve of that guy.

Obama says we only have one President at a time and George W. Bush is still the President until Jan. 20. Any way to advance that?
At least Obama doesn't have a tough act to follow.

Election winners: Obama/Biden. The country. Democracy. America's image in world.

Election losers: McCain's principles. Rove/Bush Republican Party. Elizabeth Dole. Negative campaigning. Moose in Alaska. Ralph Nader. SNL (no more Palin, at least until 2010).

Nader gets 600,000 plus votes. Any way to disenfranchise those voters?

Sarah Palin says McCain campaigners who've been trashing her after election are "jerks." Guess they won't be part of her 2012 campaign. Think she'll run? You betcha.

Oklahoma Senator Jim Inhofe wins re-election. Denies Kentucky Sen. Jim Bunning title of stupidest man in Senate, stupidity not to be confused with senility, as in case of Sen. Byrd and Sen. Stevens.

Sen. Stevens, convicted felon, also wins re-election. What does that tell you about Alaska voters?

Conservative website Newsmax warns Obama will eliminate talk radio. We should be so lucky.

CBS Evening News ends series of "Presidential Questions." What a waste of network time. Obama will be the next President and we don't even know what his favorite ice cream is.

White House dog Barney bites Reuters reporter. That's not news. Man bites dog is news.