11/28/2005 03:10 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

November 28 News Update

President Bush returns from unproductive Asian trip. At least he didn’t throw up on anybody.

Tried to walk out a locked door in Japan. No exit strategy.

In Mongolia, where Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld had been honored with a gift horse last month, Bush arranged not to be so honored. Probably wanted to head off horse’s ass jokes.

The President says “We do not torture.” Except when he’s making a speech.

Sen. Warner calls on Bush to deliver fireside-chat-like talks on War in Iraq. Problem is, fire would go out.

Bush pardons two turkeys, Marshmallow and Yam, for Thanksgiving. Stalking turkeys for Scooter?

British newspaper reports Prime Minister Tony Blair dissuaded Bush from bombing the headquarters of the Al Jazeera Network. Meanwhile, former Corporation for Public Broadcasting head Kenneth Tomlinson was urging Bush to bomb PBS.

Iraqi leaders demand timetable for withdrawal of coalition forces, but can’t agree on a date. See, they ARE making progress toward democracy--acting just like the US Congress.

Former Attorney General Ramsey Clark goes to Iraq to join Saddam Hussein defense team. Saddam supporters prefer Johnnie Cochran, even though he’s dead.

Pope Benedict XVI seen wearing Prada shoes. What did you expect, Thom McCann’s? Besides, if “The Devil Wears Prada”……

Fox Network refuses to air anti-Alito ad. Fair and balanced bias?

Robert Blake found guilty in civil court of murdering wife, ordered to pay $30 million to her children. Guess now he’ll have to move to Florida and play golf with OJ.

Radio station for animals planned in Los Angeles. Don’t we already have that--the Howard Stern Show?

Madonna has new hit CD, says she’s giving up acting. Question: When did she start?

Ted Koppel leaves “Nightline,” is replaced by a troika including Martin Bashir. Loopy hair gives way to obnoxious accent.