10/29/2006 08:52 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Oct. 30 News Update

President Bush says we're winning the war in Iraq and the Republicans will win the off-year elections. Recalling his days as a cheerleader at Andover.

White House no longer using phrase "Stay the Course." Next slogan? We've won, let's go home.

Iraqi Prime Minister Al-Maliki tells US: "This is an elected government, and only the people who elected the government have the right to make time limitations...." So, Mr. Bush, we'll decide whether you stay the course.

Gov. Schwarzenegger criticizes Bush Administration for not having coherent policy on environment. Arnold, the Bush Administration doesn't have a coherent policy on anything.

Vice President Cheney says it's a "no-brainer" to dunk terrorist suspects in water if it saved lives. Everything's a "no-brainer" if you don't have a brain.
Here's an idea: Let's send terrorist suspects to carnivals and fairs around the country and let people throw baseballs to dunk them in the water. The money collected could be used to buy American forces the armor they need in Iraq.

Rush Limbaugh says Michael J. Fox., who suffers from Parkinson's disease, was either acting or off his medication because he was trembling in a political ad endorsing stem cell research. Sounds like Rush is back on drugs.

Republicans in Tennessee Senate race use tom-toms and a white bimbo winking at Harold Ford, who's black, in political ads. Next week they'll try the "macaca" line.

Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman accused of reneging on promise not to serve more than three terms. What he meant was three terms as a Democrat. Another three terms as an Independent Republican don't count.

Israeli President accused of sexual indiscretions. Thank goodness that could never happen here.

Senior Muslim cleric in Australia likens scantily clad women to uncovered meat which attracts predators. Muslim women not expected to riot in the streets.

NBC News says lay-off of 700 employees won't affect coverage of news. Or non-coverage either.

OJ Simpson said to be writing novel. It's about famous black athlete who kills white wife and friend, beats the rap and spends life golfing and signing autographs. But who'll buy a book with unbelievable plot like that?

Former Enron exec Jeffrey Skilling sentenced to 24 years in prison for fraud. Unlike former boss Ken Lay, Skilling didn't have the foresight to die before doing time.

Republicans trying to energize base in wake of New Jersey court ruling in favor of gay rights. They argue that if same-sex marriage is allowed, the terrorists win.

Richard Grasso ordered to repay $100 million in severance pay he received from NYSE after being sued by AG Eliot Spitzer. Guess he won't be contributing to Spitzer-for-Governor campaign.

Former CIA Chief George Tenet hired by British research firm. First assignment is to find out if it's true that George Bush has pictures of Tony Blair with a duck.

US Population passes 300 million mark. Mexicans rushing to make it 400 million before wall is built along border.