09/08/2008 10:00 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Sept. 8, 2008, news update


John McCain emphasizes theme of "change" in acceptance speech. First change was theme of his campaign.

Wasn't Change the watchword of that other guy's campaign? Republicans must figure if they could steal whole election in 2000, they can certainly borrow campaign theme in 2008.

McCain also emphasizes "bipartisanship" in acceptance speech. Rudy Giuliani and Fred Thompson obviously didn't get the memo.

Old line: A Giuliani sentence consists of a noun, a verb and 9/11. New line: A McCain sentence consists of a noun, a verb and POW.

Giuliani cracks up convention by noting that Barack Obama began as a community organizer. Hilarious laughter. Didn't even have to resort to repertoire of Polish jokes.

When's last time sitting President did not appear personally at his party's convention? Never. When's the next time you'll hear McCain-Palin ticket refer to Bush-Cheney administration? Never!

Sarah Palin lives up to high school nickname "Sarah Barracuda" in her acceptance speech, calls herself "hockey mom." Next day becomes hockey mom-in-law-to-be as she discloses 17-year-old unmarried daughter is pregnant by high school hockey star. Who describes himself as a " redneck." Just what we need in the Vice President's mansion.

Sarah opposes sex education in schools, favors teaching abstinence. Know what children who attend schools where only abstinence is taught are called? Parents! Like Catholics who practice rhythm system.

Record shows Sarah was Miss Wasilla, runner-up in Miss Alaska contest. But doubtful she'll be campaigning in one-piece bathing suit and high heels. Unless.....

Cindy McCain defends Palin's lack of foreign policy experience, notes she is Governor of Alaska, which is right next to Russia. Not to be taken seriously, folks. She was just auditioning for "The Daily Show" with Jon Stewart.

Following conventions, candidates appear on Sunday morning ghetto shows-except for Sarah. She just wanted to sleep in?

McCain and Palin campaign together in first days after convention instead of going separate ways. She wants to make sure he gets it right.

Palin will do first TV interview with ABC's Charlie Gibson. Because he was so inept in last Obama-Clinton debate? Or because he was such a wuss in interview with McCain? I'd guess the latter.

On campaign trail, Obama attacks Palin. NO, NO, NO, Barack. That's Biden's job. You go after McCain. He's the one running for President.

Pakistan gets new President. George Bush thanks outgoing Pakistani leader Pervez Musharraf for help in fighting Al-Qaeda. Except for those naughty tribal areas adjoining Afghanistan.

Pakistan military suspends attacks on Islamic militants during holy month of Ramadan. Suppose the militants will suspend attacks against Afghanistan during Ramadan? Praised be Allah. Kill.

Gustav wimps out. New Orleans residents go marching back in, hope Hannah won't be as hard-hearted as the Vamp of Savannah. And they surely won't like Ike.

US Government takes over Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Such cute names for F......up Mae and F.....up Mac. CEO's fired. But they won't have to give back 2007 bonuses of $32 million for up at expense of us taxpayers. Practice known as bonuses for boneheads. Widespread in corporate America.

President Bush heard on tape talking about NSC advisor Steven Hadley: "I trust he and his team." Isn't there anything this guy can get right? Did he really get a passing grade at Yale-without the help of Poppy?