You're in luck! You're just in time for the daily strategy meeting of the Committee for Judges We Agree With:
"OK, so where are we this morning? Phil?"
"Well, we've got the adjectives rolled out: 'activist,' 'radical,' 'personal agenda' -- all the standard stuff."
"I'm not sure 'agenda' is an adjective."
"You know what I mean. Anyway, then we've got the specialty stuff -- you know, specifically for her. 'Bad temperament.' 'Bully on the bench.' 'Racist.' 'Reverse racist.'"
"Good old Rush!"
"Hey, don't knock it. It's not everyone who could get away with calling some Latino woman a racist."
"Newt did it, too -- don't forget Newt."
"Well, Rush was first. You gotta hand it to him, the guy's got -- "
"Good one! Let's see if we can use that somewhere."
"OK, so we've got all the key words out there, and the controversial stuff from those speeches of hers. Making 'policy' in the courts. She thinks she's smarter than a white guy. All that stuff."
"They're saying it's out of context."
"Let 'em say it. If they have to explain it, we're still winning. And the 'affirmative-action pick'? I hear she's not all that smart."
"Well, that's what Rove is saying -- that the Ivy League is overrated."
"Well, he ought to know."
"Hard to make the case when she was Phi Beta Kappa at Princeton."
"So she's a sorority girl -- big deal! Charlie, you've got the quote sheet out to our radio guys?"
"They're on it. That, and the talking points."
"Great. Let me know if they need anything else."
"Did she hang out with any radicals?"
"Radicals. You know, like Obama with Bill Ayers."
"That was Chicago -- she was in New York."
"Like they don't have radicals in New York?"
"Well, we do know there were druggies. Druggies right down the hallway, in the projects."
"She didn't turn them in, did she?"
"She was 11."
"But she didn't turn them in, did she? What kind of a Supreme Court justice walks right past known drug activity day after day and does absolutely nothing?"
"You really think we can sell that?"
"You got anything better?"
"No, but -- "
"There's your answer. If you can't -- "
"What if she's a Marxist?"
"I saw this story a couple of days ago. Some paper she wrote, or report, or something -- who-knows-how-many years ago. It was in a footnote -- she said she used some books with 'Marxist-Leninist analysis.'"
"And you're just telling us this now?"
"I didn't -- "
"Find it. Find the quote. Find the paper. Find the books. This could be big!"
"I saw it, too -- it was her senior thesis or something. She was writing about colonialism. That doesn't exactly make her a Marxist."
"You mean like Castro wasn't a Marxist?"
"Hey, maybe we can put her with Castro -- or at least her parents. You know, back on the island?"
"That's Cuba. They're from Puerto Rico."
"Whatever. Can we get pictures?"
"Oh, and I hear she eats this really weird stuff. From pigs."
"Different. Ears or something. Tongues."
"Can we get pictures?"
"Of pigs' ears?"
"Can we get pictures?!"
Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at firstname.lastname@example.org.