04/10/2012 05:37 pm ET Updated Jun 10, 2012

John Derbyshire: An Untermensch Responds

"Ah," sighed my friend, "I am afraid that the civilized races -- yours and mine, the white and the yellow -- are finished. We will die out. The browns and the blacks will inherit the earth."

-- John Derbyshire

I am no friend of Mr. John Derbyshire. You see dear reader, he won't have me as one. I am from the legion of the mud-people; sun baked, dirt encrusted, genealogically retarded and hovering somewhere on the embarrassing end of the bell curve.

Mr. Derbyshire, an American resident, has recently written an exquisite article on why and how to avoid black people for his half-white and half-chinese children. Soulful stuff like:

(10h) Do not act the Good Samaritan to blacks in apparent distress, e.g., on the highway.

The issue of race has attracted its fair share of pesudo-scientists and charlatans. Mr. Derbyshire is a an eloquent charlatan.

Mr. Derbyshire writes well. In his previous writings, he has peered within the very depths of Kipling and plucked from within the very essence of British India. He knows his Dhobis from his Dhotis and is also rather good as a pop-mathematician.

An asset to the far-right, Mr. Derbyshire is an authority on race, good breeding and that very precise conservative science of telling grown-up men not to stick their penises into each other. He is the very flaxen-haired love child of the British-American special relationship and wedded to a Chinese woman whom I genuinely feel sorry for.

The special relationship that compels ordinary Republican Americans to be most fervent supporters of the Monarchy here in Britain, dismayed at 'sweet ole' England caked in third world slime. The special relationship that compels the British to mouth embarrassingly slavish platitudes about their American cousins.

I, an unfortunate third-party third-world 'tropical,' shall instead of a rebuttal attempt a cynical admiration of Mr. Derbyshire's saucy polemic. It is but natural to introduce ones' children to some home truths. I applaud him for stamping his rank bigotry on posterity. His kids shall indubitably not be seen with him in public ever again.

I, dear sage reader, have assembled my own talk for my yet unborn children. It is going to be a short one.

"Do not be a dunderhead."