10/05/2006 01:11 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Christians Should Ask Who The GOP Really Represents. Could It Be ... Oh, I Don't Know ... Perhaps ... Satan???

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A word to the "Values Voter": The GOP has now demonstrated conclusively that all Americans, and especially evangelicals, should run from it as from Old Scratch himself. After all, you can't support prayer in the schools and prey-ers in the halls of Congress at the same time. To pretend otherwise is hypocrisy. The moral discrediting of America's preachy politicians and their political preachers is now complete.

Depravity, deviance, and old-fashioned Biblical wickedness have reached epidemic proportions among our Republican and conservative leaders. Their reaction to Foley's behavior (call it "e-molestation") tells us all we need to know - both about them, and their sin-promoting media lackeys.

Imagine for a second that it's true: Hastert & Co. truly didn't understand the gravity of the situation, Fox News really thought it was fine to conceal Foley's predations, and Rush and Drudge really believe what they've said about the case.

That only proves that lack the moral values and simple decency common to good people everywhere.

If they did understand, and defended Foley anyway, they're even worse. So how can evangelical Christians ever support these characters again? And here's a party game for the rest of us: Which of the Seven Deadly Sins don't these rightwingers commit - over and over and over?

The lifestyle of the Rightwing Rich and Famous is decadent beyond worldly measure. Behind their calculated squeaky-clean image lies a bacchanal without end. It's Frank Capra meets Fellini, Pasolini meets Leave It To Beaver. Imagine casting the teenaged Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland in a remake of Satyricon. Hey, kids, let's put on the orgy right here!

If we don't want the script to play out as it's been written by these guys - which is to say, America as the Last Days of the Roman Empire - it's time for a change. The GOP Senate is Sodom and their House of Representatives is Gomorrah. People of faith, it's your time to say enough is enough.

I have profound policy differences with the Republican and conservative leadership, but that aside - these people are creepy. Just look at them. Gaze upon DeLay, Trent Lott, and the rest and tell me that, in your heart of hearts, you don't see what I see: a lifetime of greed and depravity etched into their very faces.

Their false Up-With-People wholesomeness is actually the picture of Dorian Gray. Their cronyism is that of Damien, the Devil's own son, who buys himself a plum political apointment in Omen III. Three guesses, three rubs of the monkey's paw, to tell you which party 's contributions will let you do that.

Here's the Question of the Year: Knowing what you know now, Mr. and Mrs. Red State America, who would you rather have babysit your children - A Democrat, or a Republican? Let's get specific. The next time you go out to a movie, would you rather leave your little ones with Harry Reid - or Dick Cheney? Hillary Clinton - or Katherine Harris? John Murtha - or Bill Frist? (Quick - hide the cat!)

The Foley sins - and the even greater sin committed by the those at Fox and in the GOP who covered them up - is just Satan's latest escapade among his right-wing minions. Lest we forget, there was the GOP-appointed doctor at the FDA who repeatedly raped and sodomized his wife - and then, as she later stated, left money on her dresser as if she were a common hooker. Our "moral leaders" saw no need to criticize that behavior.

There was Randall Terry, who took time off from his moralizing to cheat on his wife. Other prominent adulterers on the Right include two of the leading GOP candidates for President. I never thought people's private lives were a public matter - but for the Right, who used to feel otherwise, what happened to those high moral values of the Clinton days?

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone - but if you're a rightwing preacher backing one of these Republican candidates, I say "let he who is without shame cast the first vote."

Adultery's just one of the deadly sins popular with these guys. There's also pride, greed (otherwise known as gluttony), wrath, and sloth. And for a little more on "pride," consider our war-dodging President's penchant for military costumes like that infamous flightsuit and this "Commander in Chief" bombardier jacket:

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Let's face it. He and Rove may think he looks manly in them, but the effect is more Rhythm Nation-era Janet Jackson. (Which raises the question more Americans should be asking - what have you done for me lately?)

Republicans are the barbarians inside the gate.

One of the first politicians to speak in the inflammatory language of today's Radical Right was John Schmitz - who, as we later learned, was a longtime bigamist with a secret family. His daughter, Mary Kay LeTourneau, earned notoriety as the teacher who seduced her underaged male student and bore his children.

It almost makes you think it's genetic, doesn't it?

The financial misadventures of Republicans almost pale by comparison to their more lurid sins. Yet Abramoff cuts a wide swath across conservative and Republican politics. And we shouldn't forget the less well-known practitioners of corruption either. These include Kenneth Tomlinson, who abused his position of trust at public television; Thomas Scully, who set up the Medicare drug program to benefit the health industry while negotiating a job for himself as a health lobbyist; and Hastert himself, who enriched himself while holding his leadership position in Congress.

And of course, some extremists are trying to blame homosexuality for Foley's wicked acts, rather than sexual predation enabled by a self-serving and disinterested party elite. Listen up, chuckleheads: The research is in, and it's been proven that there's no relationship between homosexuality and pedophilia. Gay or straight, child sexual abuse is about power and not orientation. Child molesting, like spousal rape, is deviant sexual behavior.

Stigmatizing an already-hounded minority for political gain? That's yet another conservative sin. It's like I told Tucker Carlson when we debated "Cheney's Chappaquiddick": Conservatives were right about one thing - character matters.

Do I condemn rank-and-file Republicans and conservatives as sinners? Of course not. Just their leaders. There are many good and decent Republicans, some of whom serve in government. They aren't part of their leadership's depravity - but they are enabling it. It's time to draw the line. Starve the GOP Beast of Belial of its voter oxygen.

Would I prefer an America where all Americans - liberal and conservative, Republican and Democrat - can work together for the common good of the country? Of course. Negotiation is the backbone of American politics. But corruption - whether financial or moral - is not negotiable. Neither is betraying the public trust.

So smite these sinners, Lord! (Well, don't smite them just on my say-so. That's pretty harsh. I'd be satisfied if you just tossed them out of power, with the odd jailing or two as appropriate.)

Everyone can redeem themselves - even the corrupt and decadent leadership of the GOP and the Right. All they need to do is to admit their wrongs, face their punishment, and make amends for their misdeeds. The best place to do that is somewhere peaceful and quiet ... far, far away from the pressures and temptations of political leadership.

Forgive them, Father - but not before you send them packing.

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(PS - I made the church signs here, in case you want to create a few of your own.)

A Night Light