09/29/2016 03:04 pm ET Updated Sep 14, 2017

Deplorable Donald

WOLF. You've had quite a contentious week, haven't you, what with Hillary's remark about your followers.

DONALD. Yeah, that tootsie had the nerve to call us all "deplorable bastards."

WOLF. Not quite as bad as that, but bad enough. What she actually called them was "a basket of deplorables."

DONALD. Same thing.

WOLF. She apologized, but only about saying it was half your followers.

DONALD. Sure, she wanted to call them all deplorable. That bimbo couldn't stand the fact they my followers were so loyal to me. If I shot someone in the street, they'd still love me.

WOLF. You really think so?

DONALD. Everybody loves me. I'm a shoo-in.

WOLF. You're suggesting that, now the campaign is moving towards its finish, things are going well?

DONALD. Just great. Providing Hillary doesn't die before November 11th.

WOLF. You think she won't make it to the election.

DONALD. Well, I wouldn't take bets she'll last considering her recent stuff.

WOLF. You mean the walking pneumonia?

DONALD. Oh, yeah, sure, pneumonia.

WOLF. What do you think it was?

DONALD. Well, you won't find out from her lying woman doctor, with that fake report she published.

WOLF. The report was fairly detailed. A brain concussion in 2012, blood clots, underactive thyroid, double vision.

DONALD. Yeah, the only thing she has double vision about is the truth.

WOLF. Some people are complaining that you're not releasing your full health records either, as well as any of your income tax reports. The first time in history that two Presidential candidates have been so secretive.

DONALD. Well, as everybody knows, my income tax is being audited, so I'm not allowed to make it public and...

WOLF. Not according to the...

DONALD. (Interrupting) And my good health is a matter of public record. Just look at me. (Flexing) My biceps. My big hands. Remember I'm a man, okay? She's the one with the problems.

WOLF. Men are healthier than women?

DONALD. Absolutely.

WOLF. Then why do women usually live longer?

DONALD. Because they beat up on their husbands so badly.