03/07/2013 01:39 pm ET Updated May 07, 2013

Take Fox News: For Whatever Ailes You

"Obama's the one who never worked a day in his life. He never earned a penny that wasn't public money. How many fund-raisers does he attend every week? How often does he play basketball and golf? I wish I had that kind of time. He's lazy, but the media won't report that." -- Fox News Chief Roger Ailes, quoted in an upcoming biography

Though his quote is likely to get a lot of outraged attention, I actually find it very positive and enouraging. After all, the good news is that Mr. Ailes didn't call the president shiftless, and say too that he has good rhythm, shuffles and likes watermelon.

Besides... well, sure he's lazy. Aren't all black people lazy in Roger Ailes Land, over there on the far right?

I do feel for Mr. Ailes, though, as the over-worked head of a TV network, as opposed to simply being the most powerful man in the world, commander-in-chief of all the U.S. armed forces, head of state, who for most of his four years in office has been overseeing two wars, and trying to get the nation out of its biggest economic crisis since the Great Depression, while the Republican opposition-lead House has twice pushed the nation to default, for starters. That's nothing compared to running "Fox News." Just think of all those stories you have to make up every day!

That kind of stuff takes time, and it sure doesn't leave any spare room to play. Play, for goodness sake! Little children play. No self-respecting, adult, hard-working businessman plays golf. No president plays golf. And no self-respecting white person would dream of playing basketball. If he wants to get exercise, he should go live on a commune.

Still, Mr. Ailes does have his "Fox News" facts screwed on straight, when he empirically shows the president, proof positive, as one of those freeloading 47 percent who never earned a penny that wasn't public money. Guilty as changed, other than the time he worked at the Sidley Austin law firm in Chicago, and the Miner, Barnhill & Galland law firm, and taught constitutional law at the University of Chicago for 12 years. And ran Illinois Project Vote, a non-profit organization which is totally different from "public money," but still.... Other than all that, Roger Ailes has it spot-on right, at least by "Fox News" standards, that Barack Obama never earned a penny that wasn't public money.

And spot on, too, that he "never worked a day in his life." All that law firm time, and teaching, and running a non-profit business stuff? And being an Illinois state senator, and a U.S. senator, and President of the United States. That's not work. Work?! That's the stuff of dreams. And dreams are just a fantasy, fluff, goofing off. It's just being lazy.

And those are the facts. "Fox News" style. All the way from the mouth of the Big Barracuda himself. Setting the journalistic standards for the minions to follow below.

Hey, at least we know the old bromide is true: a fish actually does rot from the head.


To read more from Robert J. Elisberg about other matters from politics, entertainment, technology, humor, sports, and a few things in between, visit Elisberg Industries.