Okay, here's the problem.
Clearly, the Iraq War isn't going how anyone anticipated. Even the President acknowledged that wars only work as planned on paper. So, as good as "Send bombers, 'Shock and Awe,' have parade, accept roses, get oil, leave" looked on the notepad, the ways things turned out can't be what the White House had in mind.
The problem is that no one will take responsibility or admit they themselves made a mistake. As a result, there's nobody to blame. Not Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Condoleezza Rice, Paul Wolfowitz, Douglas Feith or anyone. And with no one to blame, the Administration is forced to Stay the Course. They have to continually justify that everything is going great. They don't want to Stay the Course, but they don't have an option.
But I have a solution to all of this. And we can end the Iraq War tomorrow.
I will take the blame!!!
It's my fault. I goofed up. My bad. Blame me.
I don't know what I was thinking. I got distracted. Work got backed up, some friends were in town, stuff with my parents (you know what that can be like), the computer was down for the day, my social life was all...well, I don't want to talk about that. The point is that I wasn't paying the attention I should have been.
That's not an excuse, just an explanation. Look, everyone makes mistakes. This was mine. I admit it.
What happened was, I called the President's office, and said, "Dick, I have an idea."
First mistake. Not a big one, I know. Anyone could have made it, and many have. But he answered the phone, I figured "He's going to make the decision anyway," but yes, I should have at least spoken directly to the President.
Anyway, I said, "What you should do is invade Iraq."
Okay, second mistake. I meant 'Iran." One letter off. Sue me. Not literally, of course, I feel bad enough. But I don't want to spend all my time in court. Just ask Scooter.
I laid it all out for him. How the world hates Saddam Hussein, how someone that evil must have met with one terrorist in his life, that there has to be some sort of chemical weapon they forgot to get rid of (all we needed was a single drop. A nitroglycerin tablet, out-of-date Prozac, a bottle of Tylenol with the protective seal removed, anything). I gave them those 16 words -- who would go to Niger to check it out? "Yellow cake," it sounds like something from Betty Crocker. I said to insist that some things were "pretty well established" and others had "iron clad evidence."
(Boy, was that a mistake. I figured they only had to establish one link -- for anything! But I was just getting greedy and piling on. It was hubris, pure and simple. Mine.)
And troops? Yipes, that was a whopper on my behalf. I explained we would "Daze and Amaze" the Iraqis (I liked the rhyme, someone changed it. My fault, I should have insisted) and that we'd be out in a week. I didn't think we'd need many troops. Who knew?
Oh, and that Valerie Plame thing? Oops. Sorry. (And a personal apology to her and Joe.) "Hey," I laughed, "if it gets out, just hire Harriet Miers as Special Prosecutor." And then I really screwed up -- "Wait a second, speaking of Harriet..."
(In fairness, there were no Supreme Court openings at the time. I just wasn't thinking ahead. Like I said, it was a hectic week.)
Anyway, the point is, this whole Iraq thing, it's my fault. Blame me. I was hesitant to admit all this (who wouldn't be?!), but my friend Myles said it was the right thing to do. That the President would then be able to have someone to point the finger at, change the course and move on.
He was right. This is simply the best thing to do for the country. As the President said, no Democracy wants to go to war. But as Chief Executive, he took responsibility for all the wrong decisions, regardless of his lack of involvement. So, it's up to me now to stand tall for America.
I take the blame. It's my fault. Can we please end the Iraq War now?