Recently I sat in front of a microphone for a four-hour interview. It was exhausting, but also very illuminating. There were tears and laughter, quiet whispers of pain revisited and heart-held sorrow openly revealed. I was asked about my life's journey thus far. And I willingly answered, believing I was the giver in the equation. A funny thing happened as the interview went on, I became the receiver. I became the receiver of my own life -- as the truth of my own journey came shining through.
For the last number of years I have been on a mission of conscious change and inner growth. I thought I'd walked away from the old me as I worked to create a totally new version of myself. Not so! As listened to myself tell my story, I began to see and feel all of who I am -- child, young adult, self-made victim, sister, mother and wife -- and I understood that a true me has always been here. I had just never thought myself worthy or been able to honor myself for my driving courage, for never giving up, for never staying down.
In grade school I defied Catholic dogma. I told Sister Dennis Mary that God would not send babies to a no-see-Him place called, "Limbo" because their parents had failed to baptize them. I was made to face Monsignor O'Dowd in the hallway for my transgression. His chastising words and worrisome finger in my face did not change my mind. He simply had really bad teeth and I still knew the Limbo thing was dumb.
At 22, I was directing photo shoots in the bellies of C130 airplanes, marketing the burgeoning Miami aviation industry to the world and traveling to Washington to explain the importance of the aircraft support industry to the "big boys" of advertising. I had no idea I was paving a path for women in this field. In the years before I turned 30, I played cat and mouse in the smudgy world of "white hats verses black hats" in the war on drugs -- living on the edge and sometimes over the edge.
Then I married and had children, as I sought to become part of the rank and file. I folded and stapled my true nature as I joined the picket-fence platoon of my childhood image of what being a grown up should be. I went to classroom meet-and-greets. I carpooled and swimming pooled. I tutored and I tennis-lessoned. Meals were made, shoes were bought and homework was taught. My marriage bed became a place of separate-heart-and-body sleeping. Ideas were no longer shared and underwear was washed, as I faded into the rinse cycle. At 51, I looked in the mirror and couldn't find my own reflection. I was done. That was eight years ago.
Looking back, I so clearly see that I stumbled and got lost when I let me go. I slid away from myself in not taking care of myself as I so diligently took care of others. So now, here I am again -- renegade, in-your-face thinker and now a published author. My soul is generous and open, helping, compassionate and kind. I journey each day to live more fully within the miracle of life with courage and sharing. I am of use and assistance to those who walk this planet with me--as my life comes shining through.
Perhaps your life has become someone else's idea of what you should be doing. Perhaps that you that sparked and shimmered in your dreams has winked small. Perhaps it is time to journey through your years and revisit and reclaim the child, the teen, the young adult--to let your life come shining through.
Robin Korth enjoys interactions with her readers. Feel free to contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Facebook.
To learn about her new book, "Soul on the Run," go to: www.SoulOnTheRun.com
You can also download her "Robin In Your Face" free daily motivational app by going to www.robininyourface.com/whats-new/