04/09/2014 01:12 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Falling in Love


Love, the "L" word, is what so many of us are searching for and yearning for. Somehow we think that if we could only be truly loved by someone else, that their love will caulk up all the empty holes we have and quiet the myriad questions that occupy our hearts and minds. I think not.

I believe we have it quite backwards and maybe even upside down and inside out. We must first apply the "L" word to ourselves. Then, it blossoms into something quite remarkable and supremely enriching. To truly love ourselves seems to be a very difficult thing to do in our modern, always-comparing, always-wanting-more culture. We keep getting the outside confused with the inside. We feel somehow that the "I" part of us is incomplete. That we are not enough without someone else to fill us up.

Gee, what happens when I sit down and really get to know myself -- deep inside where my heart and feelings are so gently waiting? What happens when I allow the real me to show up in my own life and I discover that this me is pretty darned wonderful? I learn that it's more than great to celebrate and delight in who I am -- that I can feel whole and remarkable just being me. For I have gone on an adventure of self-love and self-knowing that makes me rich and wide on the inside. I am now able to reach out to another person with no needy gaps that I must fill by pretzel-twisting their heart and soul into place. We each get to just be ourselves. Oh, the ease and simple joy of this!

There are now two hearts and souls, two minds and bodies, meeting each other on even ground. There is no "I need what you have to feel complete." This joining of two creates another entity that is quietly separate and true -- the "us." We are each whole and complete alone -- and together. This juncture of two hearts becomes a celebration of each of us and a delight in the distinctions, talents and deliberate "who" of the separate "two."

I don't want to be the reason for your life. Please don't tell me that I complete you. I don't want that responsibility or burden. Come to me firmly in love with yourself. Come to me happy in the person you are. I will greet you half way and play with you in the field of our coming together -- in that arena where we honor each other's gifts and abilities.

My life will be richer for having you there. The sharing of thoughts and feelings, the comfort of being able to bare my soul, the knowing that you will care for it well. I will not die if you leave me. Without you, my life shall be less, but I will still have a life that is mine to cherish and create as before. The journey of me celebrating myself and growing will continue -- as will yours.

This is falling in love.